fitrie's small world

a Boss and a Leader

2010-05-05T09:15:00.001+07:00

I read somewhere about the difference between a Boss and a Leader. Yeah I know, it sounds lame, huh?

I remember about the boss drives people and depend on authority, while the leader coaches them and depend on good will.

Why I should bring this up here? Well I am recently in charge to handle 2 provinces and require a sub-ordinate in each province. My boss (I guess you know where it’s going now) said it was my authority to recruit them because they would be directly working with me. Fair enough. So I started advertise it, selected and short-listed it. Until one day my boss said to me.

Boss : I think you should hire ‘X’ for West Java. Because he is experienced and quite good in content . What do you think?

Me: I think of someone who can speak local language, and preferable who has dealt with government official there.

Boss: But he’s good in content, you don’t have to coach him closely. About language and relationship with government, you could guide him.

Me: Has he had experience dealing with government or in advocacy field? Because that will be his main job. (I know the answer is no, because I know this guy. And no offense, he’s nice and we’re friends, but I didn’t think he’d want this kinda job)

Boss: No,but ….. (there goes her justification)

Me : Fine

Boss: Only, his salary was higher than our budget for this position. So maybe for Jakarta province you shouldn’t hire experienced person, so (s)he wouldn’t ask high salary.

I said I think about it. But I didn’t really agree with her. The day after and the day after that, he asked if I contacted X. Agitated, I called X. It’s not because I had something against him. NooOo! It’s just that to hire him, it takes somebody’s right to get better paid. I mean, they will be in the same position and I will have the same expectation toward them. But one is paid twice higher that the other. And it’s not because he’s more experience in the field, but because the boss prefer him. How’s that fair?

And how about “my authority to recruit them because they will be working directly to me” ?

Seems to me it is her authority to drive me to do what she wants.

Well, that’s what a boss does, rite?

Learn from the disabled

2009-02-18T17:07:00.006+07:00

Last Saturday, valentine’s day (although I’ve never celebrated valentine and have no reason to start now ;p), we conducted a movie screening and discussion. It was our routine activity, actually. But this time, it’s special. Special because I initiated the topic, and because I have ‘conflict of interest’ in the topic and because it ‘moved’ me in a peculiar way.

So the movie was about a visually impaired teacher Ann Sullivan and a deft-blind student Hellen Keller. The movie leads to a discussion about special needs student and their right to education. We invited Mimi Lusli (trainer in Hellen Keller International) and Parto (headmaster special school “Ar Rahman) as resource persons. It was a fruitful discussion.

I’ve been working with Mimi for 3 months now, but I’ve never listened to her story. I didn't know that she became totally blind when she was 17. Imagine that? I would be devastated if were her. I even cried on my sweet seventeen birthday because I was having chicken pox. I looked so horrible I though it was the end of the world! I thought no boy would be interested in me, or wanted to date me or went to a party with me. You know, girls’ stuff! I was ashamed and felt sorry for myself.
Looking back now, my misery was nothing compared to her. Well, my scar diminished over time. But her sight… is gone forever.

During her school time, she had to study three times harder than us. She must have her material read out for her, and then she answered the problems with braille, and then she must convert it again to latin script (so the teacher could understand her work). It strucked me how she tried not to force or blame the situation. Instead, she tries to adjust her condition with the given situation. She didn’t demand facilities to support her, she created ways to survive.
While me.. my complains to the situation and constraints are countless.
Sometimes I just gave in and found no reason to fight. I ‘demand’ the situation to change to my favor.

I, once again, feel ashamed of myself.

foto caption:Yansen (rawinala student)

What is it with man and skirt?

2009-02-04T15:01:00.002+07:00

I don’t wear skirt to the office often. But during this rainy season, pants are easily dirty by water-dirt splashed from cars. All my pants are either in the drier or piling up non-ironed. So I wear skirt today.

My skirt is just an ordinary office-look skirt that flatters my body and reaches 2 inches above the knee. Nothing sexy or provoking But when I walked to the bus stop, I saw several tip-to-toe look from men passing by me. Naughty look. You can clearly see it even though they’re wearing helmet. It’s the kinda look as if you see an ice cream in the middle of the dessert.
Drooling.
I’m not exaggerating, believe me. I was being harassed.
But of course it will be silly to raise this case. The court room situation will go like this:
Judge: So, what’re the charges?
Me : Your honor, I am being harassed. This man starred at me like he wanted to rip off my clothes.
Judge: Young lady, are you sure it’s not only your imagination?
Case closed! Next!

So, I decided to let go.

It’s a different story though, if they use words. Words my friends, can be a lot sharper than knife. I can categorize this harassment by mild to severe. Things like:
kakaak… berangkat kak? (Going somewhere, missy?)
Or
Neng, ikut nyok sama abang. (Girl, let’s go to my place)
I still consider this mild.

Until:
Tukang ojek: ojek neng?(offering to give me a ride)
Me : Ga, bang. (polite refusal)
TO : neng, m***k nya putih ya?(asking the color of my v*g**a.

What on earth? I was so dumbfounded, I could barely think. And he repeated his nasty question to me, and all that I could think of is just:
Ga tau bang, ga kenal.
Pretending he was looking for someone.

If I am given the take two, perhaps it would go like this:
TO : neng, m***k nya putih ya?
Me : Ga tau, bang. Mau liat? Yuk kita ke Polsek atau Komnas Perempuan.
(Not sure, let’s check it out in police station or women’s crisis center)

That’ll teach him a lesson.

Although, I do know some nice compliment about female wearing skirt. Sometimes the difference between compliment and harassment lies on how the message conveyed, and how you receive it.
The nice one, goes like this:
“You know, in some countries, I will be sued by commenting female sub-ordinate’s appearance. But I don’t care. You do look very nice today. So sue me!”

That, my friend, is an A-class pick up line!
The effect would be: gentle beat that slowly spread to your nerve that makes your cheek warm and red, and your lips forming a smile. That smile lasts all day.

All this, because of a skirt. A non sexy skirt.
So, back to my question, what is it with man and skirt?

this feeling...

2009-01-27T17:02:00.002+07:00

should I be relieved, or sad, or alert?
I just know something that i've known all along... only I refused to believe.
I do not know for sure how I close I 'relate' to this.. but I refuse to know.

I felt betrayed and fooled, but then who is to blame?
my self?
yup! definitely.

for being such a naive girl..
for letting someone play a hero for me..

this feeling..
is difficult for me to describe.

Is it the way I say things..?

2008-12-31T14:00:00.003+07:00

It tickles me when my friend said that.

She was referring to her experiences, that guys tent to brag with her. Has the urge to compete with her, over serious to silly things, ranging from poetry to sushi..

“Is it the way I say things? Did I talk snobbishly or move arrogantly? What triggers them to show off their knowledge or interest?”, she said.

“No dear, they just try to impress you”, I replied.

“..which is very unnecessarily. I wont be impressed with snob guy.”

She then told me her discussion with her male friend, who happened to have the same opinion with me, that those guys just tried to impress her by bragging what they knew.

Her male friend added that, well, men, with their ego, sometimes like it when female don’t have opinion. “It’s kinda cute sometimes when girls don’t have opinion”

WHATTT??

“Perhaps you should restrain the urge to tell them what you think on something. That would please men.”, he added.

Correct me if I’m wrong, does it mean that smart girls should play dumb?
Sometimes we need to just sit down and look pretty?

Well, that’s easy!

*LoL

MUTE MODE = ON

2008-11-30T22:21:00.002+07:00

Some people, still consider other people’s misery as a funny thing. You see, I have problem with my voice almost every time I have sore throat and cough: it’s gone. Yup, completely! For me, it’s misery. For others, it’s funny.

Exhibit 1:

My handphone rings.
Me : ha wo?
(whisper wih my bindeng voice)
Friend (F) : are you on a meeting?
Me : no
F : why are you whispering.
Me : I ‘aev a ‘or toat. My voice gone.
(I have a sore throat. My voice is gone)
F : HUAHAHAHAHAHA….

Exhibit 2:
Colleague (C) : Hey, my friend is coming over to my place this weekend. I want to hook you up with him. Whaddaya think?
Me : pss.. ssh.. ss?
(I’m trying to say: Is he nice?)
C : What?
Me : pss.. ssh.. ss?
(still trying with my hiss voice)
C : Good. I’ll tell him he’ll get a date whom can not talk.
It’s just perfect!
Me : !@#$%^^&*

Exhibit 3:
phone rings.
Me : ha wo?
Ex Boyfriend (EB) : hey! I already got confirmation from A, Y and D. They will
come to Plangi this Friday. How about you? Have you told the other guys about the rendez-vous?
Me : ai sss..ssss
EB : What?
Me : I sent sms
*mengerahkan segenap tenaga
EB : ih merki banget si. Kan loe tau kalo di sms anak2 suka ga respon. Telpon langsung dong. (Don’t be so stingy. They won’t reply if you send sms, just call them instead.)
Me : I can’t talk. I aev …
EB : What? Ga usah sok mesra deh ma gue. Pake bisik2 segala. Ga ngaruh, tau?
(no need to play romantic with me by whispering. No use [I won’t be seduced])
Me : PSSS PPSSSS SSHH HHSSSSS!!!!
EB : What?
Click! I turned it off with dismay.

I send him sms:
ME? PLAY ROMANTIC WITH YOU?? YOU MUST BE DREAMING! IH SORRY! WHY AM WHISPERING? I HAVE SORE THROAT AND MY VOICE IS GONE. THAT’S WHY!!

All caps.
To emphasize that his word upset me.

My handphone rings.. EB calls again.
Me : hawo!
EB : HUAHAHAHAHAHA…..

Me : click!

the silly thing about being in love

2008-11-19T16:29:00.004+07:00

I know what you think when you read the title. So hold your smile, it's not about me ;p

it's about a girl. and she adores a boy. and she tries soooo hard to impress him.
maybe the girl thought that he is almost hers. until she found out that the boy also spreads his wings to other girls.
she becomes disappointed. and insecure.
she starts doing silly things.
she starts bugging others, to get information about him.

and he knows.

but he is not angry at her.
he is still nice to her, makes her keep her hopes.
but he is also nice to other girls.

and the girl..
poor her.
she keeps doing silly things.
she keeps bugging others.

she just tries to win his heart.

if only,
she just tells the truth
and dares to face the fact, whatever that will be.

if only,
he could be more stern
and dares to tell the fact, whatever that will be.

the silly things might stop.
and I will no longer be bugged!!

a glimpse of paradise

2008-10-29T14:57:00.004+07:00

tadi pagi jalan, masi kepagian untuk ukuran standar gw.
bau hujan, bercampur dengan bau dupa.
mungkin encik di sebelah kiri or kanan or depan lagi sembahyang.
baunya itu... bau tanah basah bercampur dupa
membuat gw keinget bali

inget waktu pertama kali mendarat di bali, untuk post baru di sana.
hujan baru berhenti di bandara ngurah rai.
ketika menghirup nafas saat kaki baru aja terjejak di tanah, bau itu...
bau khas bali.

duh kangen banget ama bali!

kang..e....n..nnn..n..n.. !!

Youth Pledge Day

2008-10-27T23:16:00.005+07:00

So, this post it to commemorate youth pledge day, tomorrow, 28 October 2008.
Thanks to our founding fathers (and mothers) *can’t help it, can’t take gender bias ;p
who had somewhat and somehow declared the pledge under Dutch’s nose!
Do you know that the pledge was declared with the present of Dutch officials who observed the 2nd Youth Conference?
Do you know that during the youth conference, Mr Thabranie et all assigned some smart talkative youths to accompany and talk to the Dutch officials, in order to distract their attention from the content of the pledge?
Do you think the pledge could be declared if the Dutch Officials knew the content?
Pretty damn Smart, Thabranie et all!

I just wanna say, I'm happy that Thabranie et all made it. I love my country.

The fact that for some extent, my beloved country has so much to fix… doesn’t change my love and devotion to her. I can’t imagine living in other countries. I can’t imagine losing so much convenient by having everything you need ready to your door.

-Bang, ketopraaaaakkk! Satu ya pedesssss!

-Sayuur baaaang! Sawi ijo dua iket. Ngutang dulu ya, nyokap ga ada.

-Bur ayam, ga pake kacang ga pake emping ga pake sledri. Cakwenya banyakin.

I mean, where else could you find such luxury?

To question my nationality, honey, you’d better think twice!
Why, you should know damn well that I never, I repeat, NEVER buy piracy cd of Indonesian singer. Nor the piracy vcd or dvd of Indonesian movie. It’s a crime!

do you have any idea what our artist went through until their album/movie out to the market? Can you imagine their disappointment knowing the piracy version of their work already available in ambassador mall even before they launch their work? You might say, it’s the system, it’s the demand, it’s the label, it’s the player in industry..

Doesn’t matter, stop buying piracy!

Show some respect to our local artists. Buy original.

That' my pledge. What's yours?

legal draft on pornography

2008-10-14T16:17:00.003+07:00

I came to a public dialog that I thought would not involve brain cracking. I was wrong. I kept thinking about it even after the dialog was over.

*Mungkin ini yg disebut mengendap di pikiran, halah!

It was a pro contra about legal drafting on Pornography. I was kinda contra to the draft. But after the dialog, I was not sure anymore.

Why?

Because my disagreement on the draft was merely based on the opinion from media, without really read and understand each article on the draft.
I guess you, yes YOU, also did the same. You disagree with the draft, said it’s terrible, it’s disaster.. but I’m sure you only read the definition of Pornography quoted from the draft by media.

Yes, the definition is still open for interpretation. Because it involves imagination.

I also learned from the dialog that media, some of them big media, really mislead the viewers by its opinion and false quotes from several experts. So this draft has been politically and ideologically corrupted. I don’t know the agenda, and hell I don’t care. I just remember the ‘Agenda Setting’ theory back then from campus (that media can set the issue from its lay out, headline, and content and affect the readers)

There were Ade Armando, Bagus Takwin, Neng Dara, Mula Harahap and Azlaini as speakers, and Hikmat Gumilar as moderator. It was very enriching experience.

One of the speaker said that we already have several regulation related to pornography, namely KUHP, UU Penyiaran, UU Teknologi Informasi. Wy don’t we just strengthened the existing regulation bla bla..

Another speaker said, we know that porn VCD is illegal. But somehow we can access it easily, and cheap too. Children can have it. That’s why 60% of the inmate in juvenile penitentiary (penjara anak-anak) in Bandung were sentenced out of pasal pencabulan. So will this new regulation guarantee that practice (selling porn VCD) won’t happen again? I doubt it.

Other speaker said, we can’t use KUHP anymore. It was made in the 80s. The situation was different back then. The punishment was quite lame, you will be sentenced for 6 months – 1,5 years to do pornography, and pay the fine Rp. 45.000 (I forgot the amount, but small). It won’t have ‘efek jera’. We need regulation as an umbrella for other existing regulation and also new adaptive regulation developed by provinces/districts.

The other said, there’s no single words in the articles that can harm the rich culture in Indonesia. This regulation was developed to protect people. Even for those who, by force, had done/produced pornography, is also considered on this draft( such us being raped and taped). Balinese can still have their dances, Papuan can still wear their koteka.

So I was wrong about this draft. Now I know better.
But I still can’t say that I agree with this draft. I mean, what’s the point? We can have many regulations, but we always take for granted the implementation.

I object it when people smoke in the public transport. I always express my disagreement rather obviously (but still in sweet manner dong…! ;p). The smoker can either accept my objection or give me their nasty look. Others, especially ibu2 will give thank you look. The ‘non-smoking’ sticker on the window would give me proud look. The driver would give me ‘kalo ga mau bau asep naik taksi aja’ look.
I could give ‘ heyyy, this is regulation!’ look, but will they care?
Where is ‘aparat dan perangkat’ that supposed to regulate that?

So whats the point of inaugurating the regulation that we know: we can't guarantee that this regulation will take effect?

*collecting my brain pieces that cracked over this thought

Me and My BigMouth

2008-10-09T17:35:00.007+07:00

I don’t know when it started, somehow I feel that everybody finds excitement over my love life. It has become a soap opera for them. Or, better yet, it becomes a reality show for them.

My life become a public consumption.

Of course ‘ga ada asap kalo ga ada api’.. there’s no smoke if there is no fire (halah! maksa banget ga siy?).

And I knowwwwww, me and big mouth started the fire.

I don’t know if it’s because I really need advise from friends, or because I suffer from acute narcism!
I talked to one person, and then the other, and more others!
Before you know it, people eagerly seek for the updates (I must be one hell of story teller!)

They start throwing rather personal questions/statements:
How’s your date?
Was it nice?
Did he say something to make you fly?
Did you talk to him?
Did you k*** him?
You still on casual date terms with him?

If you’ve gone for a date more than 3 times in three consequence weekend, you practically move in together. C’mon! There’s no such thing as casual date!

And finally:

Oh Fiiiit, you’re so amateur!!!!

At first it was fun. Maybe because I considered this dating thingy as a joke. We enjoyed all the comments or speculation or analysis over my going on a date. It’s just…cute.

I didn’t take it seriously.
I didn’t take him seriously.
But I guess the more you talk about it, the more you think about it.
The more you think, the more you grow and nurture special feeling for him.
And the more your feeling grows, it sooths you to talk about him over and over.
On and on and on…

I thinks she’s in love
No doubt about it!

*me with crimson face

Oh shoot! Me and my bigmouth!

*sigh

Did he know that he has become my north and south, my east and west?
My six working days and my Sunday rest?*

Boy, everybody knows it but you…

*) Quoting poem from WH Auden

The Sign of Victory

2008-10-01T01:20:00.002+07:00

I live in the non-Moslem neighborhood. But thanks to the TOA in the mosque and the wind that seriously blows the sound to my neighborhood, I can hear Takbiran.

Loud and clear.

It’s the sign that we have finally completed our ordeal
It’s the sign of victory
It makes me sad, though.

Every year, for five years now, when I lay on my bed looking up at the ceiling, with the Takbiran as the back sound, I cry.

I remember my father.

They said that the spirit would come home during ramadhan, and would return to .. (grave?) when Takbiran starts.
So I kinda believe that my father has been here, in our house, watching us in silent.

I guess I could feel his presence.
Could feel his disapproved look over my coming home late at night after series of breaking the fast events with friends.
Could feel his attentive look when I talked to mother about boring work, confusing guys, annoying colleagues…
So tonight, guess I could feel his gone!

I can feel his gone, with his eyes red with tears, knowing that his children did not send him enough pray
I remember all the nights I went to bed without even pray Rabbighfirlii Warhamnii..
and even when I did pray, I did it with my eyes lid heavily.. not sure whether I finish the pray..

So tonight, for five times now,
with Takbiran as the backsound,
I shed the tears on the pillow
Regret that I, once again, have failed him…
Regret for not using Ramadhan to give him small favor
Regret for not be able to make him proud

I’m hoping that I will have the chance to make it up next years

Papa, hold my heart, count its beat
That is how much I miss you..

Why does she always so bitter?

2007-12-12T13:34:00.000+07:00

Why does she always so bitter?
Why is she always so skeptical?

Me and her.. we are quite anomaly..
I’m quite an optimist kinda a person
even sometimes… rrr oftentimes.. I had to crumble when things turned out not as I expected…but soon I’ll start crawling up again assuming there’s still hope.. even if then I have to crumble again hehe… at least I’ve tried.. (BIG times!)

“Look the glass is not empty.. there’s still some drop of water in it!!” , my under consciousness said.

And her.. I don’t know.. She manages to see the negative things on something.. and deny everything that’s not in line with her frame of reference…
And when it happens… she won’t accept any arguments and keep fighting it even with the lame argument.

“The glass is half empty. I won’t drink the water because is not enough. I will still feel thirsty after”

I’m lucky that I see things black, white, red, pink and rainbow color…
I think she just see things black and grey…

Gardening

2007-11-05T12:04:00.000+07:00

It never really occurs to me to have gardening as a hobby. It crossed my mind slightly after I watched Si Unyil years back, when Pak Raden or whomsoever started Apotik Hidup. I thought it’s kinda cool to plant plants that have medication/remedy effect. But I never really plant anything since then.

I didn’t take much thought about gardening. Not until I stayed in Bali. I saw men have startling passion about plants. They even exchange plants among them! I know women go to their neighbor to share their cookies, and in return they have another cookies from the neighbor. It’s a common practice among women. I noticed men, if they happen to go to their neighbor/friend house, they end up bringing home plants from their friends’ collection. And in returns, they give their collection. Let me make this clear: we’re talking about man here…

Okay, before it’s going to be a discussion about gender… I only want to tell you that I was a bit surprised knowing men have such passion about gardening.

Back in Bali, I was a little upset when one of my colleagues, who was supposed to pick me up from the office, came late because he had to shower his plants first. Annoyed, I snorted that he could ask his sister or mother to do it. And he said it’s his job, and those were his plants. So he had to do it himself.

One day I noticed one of a man in the office (still in Bali) once surfed the net. And it was the Adenium website. And he was so stunned with the pictures of all pretty colorful adenium (until that moment, I didn’t know that flower’s name). He even screamed excitingly over a purple-centered pink-circled adenium with “Ihhh gemesssss warnanya..”
Hadn’t I known him, I would have thought he was a gay.

“Don’t you like flower?” he asked
“Yeah… I just like looking at it, not fancy nourish it or anything….”
“How come..? he added

Then without realizing it, I stayed with him browsing other sites: euphorbia, crysantenum, anthurium...

Back in Jakarta I didn’t have much encounter with flower world. Until one day, on the nice cool evening after office hour, my friend, a guy, asked me to walk from jalan irian menteng to diponegoro instead of taking the bus in front of sarinah. I thought its kinda nice for a change. I bet not many Jakartans, especially the yuppies, have ever enjoyed the evening walking. So we walked side by side, with his eyes wander from house to house. When I asked what he was looking at, he said he was looking at the trees and plants in the houses we passed. Then he started telling me that he’s now fancy gardening. Jaw dropping, I listened attentively while he enthusiastically explained about the kind of plants he liked best, his new collection and… most of all.. how he GOT them!!

“I saw a plant I like around this neighborhood. Wait… there it is!” he said
“What so special about it? You can find it everywhere..” I said over a large green leaves with ivory dot scattered in the middle. Later on I was told the name was Dieffenbachia “No.. it’s not the same. See the pattern of the dot.. it’s not the same with what we often find.”
“Really?”
“Yeah… hey listen! I’ve been longing to take this plant. I don’t think the owner would miss it. Beside, he has some collection like this. I just take the smallest one. Will you cover for me?”
“WHATTT?”
We were in front of the big house in Menteng area, where mostly they have SECURITY officer!
“Just relax. We talk casually, pointing at the plant as if we discussing something, and just grab it. Done!” , by the time he finished his word, the plant is already on his hand.
“Do you happen to have plastic bag?” he said calmly.
Still jaw dropping, I rummaged inside my bag try to find some kind of bag. Found a bread bag and handed it to him.
“Will you do it quick and let’s get out of here!”, I said.
“Relax…”

We went on walking to the bus station, but dropped by in the Menteng Park. He explained many things about plants and flowers in the park. Offered me some plant that I might like, that he would gladly tug it for me. Isn’t it romantic? Walking down the park during sunset and get a gift of stolen flower right through the akar from a man who stole it in front your very eyes!!

“No, thanks…” I said with wry smile.

Anyway, he then told me about his new hobby. About his effort with the villagers to get their collection. About his spy work in some residence to search certain variety. About his stealing collections. About the different sensation he got after stealing certain plant. …

Man! I thought gardening is the safest-most harmless-most peaceful hobby in the world!
I mean, you wont die or get hurt because of gardening… right?
it’s not like you get decompression while you go on diving, or broken bone like when you go on horse riding…

The worst thing that could happen with gardening is you get some scratch from the rose thorn…

It never occurred to me being beaten up by furious crowd because you were caught in the act stealing some plant.. only because your gardening hobby!!

Ih, mati kutu!
Mati gaya pula…

Power of simple word

2007-10-25T13:46:00.000+07:00

strange...
how simple thing can make your heart trembling
how simple word can change your world upside down..

and funny..
how your sad broken little heart can cure just with a simple word
how your cold dark gloomy world seems to alter into a happy summer

the power of word?

no.. it's the power of 'someone' who said the word.

that 'someone' has changed my summer into a bloody cold winter
has turned my shiny day into darkest night
with his word...

that same 'someone' has made the broken pieces mend together
has put me to sleep with smile
with his word...

Grateful Therapy

2007-06-21T15:02:00.000+07:00

One way to coup with your devastations, is being grateful. That’s what my Mom and God- knows-how-many-others said. Being grateful of what you have and what you don’t have. Sound so philosophic, huh?

Last week, I experienced the lowest point in my life. I felt so sad I can’t remember the last time I was that sad. It seemed everything went against me. The trigger still, well, as always.. love! Cheesy, huh?

So, my friends came up with this Grateful Therapy. Actually she didn’t intended that way. At least it wasn’t obvious if she did. She just gave me updates of the people we know over a cup of tea. You know... girls’ stuff!

Anyway, this person we both know, was a smart, stylish, successful girl. She was practically me... in better version! She had a good job and nice paycheck, and yet, she often had unlucky relationship. In fact, she had always had tragic love stories. Everybody who knew her would agree with me.

In short, she finally got married. And it’s like a Cinderella story. She met a nice guy. He was single, smart, well-educated, successful businessman and quite religious. He was perfect. And he made her life full-circled now. She was happily married and successful career woman. And we agreed that he was the reward of all her suffers. And she deserved it.

But last month, my friend said, her husband died of cancer. Her perfect husband, her knight on shining armor, her reward… just died on her second year of marriage! I was so shocked. I can’t imagine how she must have felt. I can’t imagine if she were me.. oh please no! It was just unfair. Life is cruel to her, I thought.

But my friend said, God loves her so much. God has plan for her. Blah blah blah…

Back to my life, my devastated life, I must admit that my suffer was nothing compared to her. God only took thing that didn’t belong to me. I borrowed it and insisted in having it. And when He said NO!, I was angry and sad and disappointed.

Now, I still feel sad and devastated, and try to coup with it. But I thank God I didn’t experience any worse than this.

Last weekend, when I hang out with my girl friends, this poem from WH Auden came up. And I feel it quite represents my story.

He was my north, my south, my east and west

My working week and my Sunday rest

My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song

I thought that love would last forever; I was wrong.

A Friend in Need is ...

2007-06-21T14:53:00.000+07:00

“I don’t see a problem here. Sorry”

I was just telling her that I went to find professional help because I was very sad and devastated. Someone I was recently involved with, whom I still strive to get over it, was getting married in couple days. When I heard the news, I felt the world come tumbling down and the sky fall over me. All system in my brain shut down, and could only operate emergency command: cry!

And she said she didn’t see that as a problem?
Helllooo…?
Why should I go see a shrink if there wasn’t a problem?

If you think MY problem is not a real problem.. well maybe because it’s not YOUR problem. But that doesn’t mean it’s not important. It is for me. Show some symphaty dear!

That’s one thing you need from a friend.

no idea!

2007-05-16T18:33:00.000+07:00

I’ve been having sort of “writer block”.. (yeah right! as if I’m a real writer)

I can’t finish everything I write.

The thing is, I’m having mmmhhhh… I refuse to say that I’m at the lowest point in my life. But how do you say if : you lost your job, haven’t got the new one, your CV has not yet been responded, no boyfriend, break up with your fling (can we say ‘break up’ with a ‘fling’?), lose my creativity, unproductive, unhealthy (this flu has stick with me for more than 3 weeks now! ukh!), ungrateful..

I prefer to say that I have a long vacation. I get up at 9, make tea, read newspaper, do some house chores, call friends to make appointment, take a bath, go to malls to have lunch with friends, and then coffee, and then dinner…

Malls have been my office now…
And yup, PS is the headquarter!

So maybe I’m not having a writer’s block after all.
I just don’t have interesting story to tell.

Guess I just go on with pretend-to-have-long-vacation thing.
So, bear with me!

Rebound

2007-04-09T15:25:00.000+07:00

Here what happens if you keep falling in love with the wrong person: You end up broken hearted!

Oh yes I know, I’ve been there, done that! Big times!!

And that doesn’t make me an expert (of broken heart). No! But at least I know two ways of getting over it: the HARD WAY or the EASY WAY.

The first couple times, I apparantly took the hard way. Step by step, I’ve been through the four stages of broken heart:

feeling sorry for yourself
feeling mad about yourself
feeling mad for him
feeling nothing at all

They’re right, time heals… I just wish it could be sooner, much sooner!

It took me years!!
...with sleepless nights and countless tears.

So the next time my heart broke, I chose the easy way. How? Simply find a rebound. Find another object of your affection. I kinda grabbed the next man who hit on me, didn’t care if I didn’t really like him. He seemed to care for me, and that’s enough. I just didn’t want to be alone.

Oh yes, it worked! Rebound cured…

… until I fell in love with the rebound guy. Fatal mistakes!

I shouldn’t have fallen in love with the rebound. Because the rebound guys were usually not the ‘ideal’ person. They were only the guys who happened to be at the right time (injury time I must say..)

Guess what happens next? Another broken-hearted!

The hard way took your valuable times, your happiness, golden opportunities… because you were blinded with your grieve. The easy way offered a vague happiness and lead you to another grieve.

If you were me, what would you choose now: the hard way or the easy way?

Goodbye...

2007-03-18T10:14:00.000+07:00

Saying goodbye’s never an easy thing..
This nice place
The salty air
The beautiful people
.. especially the people that makes it harder…
I’ve come to love the people so much.

From my MP3 player:
.. all my bags are packed, I’m ready to go..

Hmmppppffff…
Here I am, feeling sorry for myself.. for the goodbye I soon have to say

Thank you guys for the unforgettable 5 months…
Thank you my dear…
You’re all missed!

Hope to see you again sometimes soon…

Surfer Girl: here comes bruises…

2007-03-08T08:52:00.000+07:00

I get on with my life. I think about how lucky I was to be here, nice place, nice job, nice paycheck.. Oh well, a little romantic problem shouldn’t stop me to have a great time here, right?

I spent the weekend with my friend in Kuta. We chatted, went window-shopping, made rujak (kinda fruit salad with hot sauce), walked to the beach, went swimming, watched sunset... At night, we watched DVD. It’s hard to keep my eyes open, as I was so exhausted with the tiring sweating outdoor activities all day long! But I wanted to finish the movie I’ve been longing to see: Brokeback Mountain. After almost 3 hours watching with my heavy-eyes, the movie just stopped! Yup, just like that! I didn’t know how the story ends. Thanks to DVD bajakan!!

The next day, we planned to go to the beach to learn surfing firstly in the morning. The plan went slightly behind schedule: we left home at two o’clock! Well, it’s Sunday. Who wants to get up early on Sunday?

Anyway, we got on with the plan: learn surfing. We tried to get all the best resource for my first-surf-learning. We had categories for ‘the best resource’: cute surf board and cute instructor!

Sure we had good reason for that. I’ll tell you later…

I went head over heels to learn surfing. I don’t know why it’s so hard to lift my body up to stand on the board. Sometimes the waves were not good to me as it rolled me down before I was able to raise my head. Sometimes other surfers were not good to me as they let their board bumping over my body. Ouccchhh!
Then I got cramped. The instructor led me to the shore to help me with my pain. You see, that’s the reason why cute instructor is SooOo important!

I could stand alright! Oh yeah… a nice two second moment!
Well, it’s still a progress..

Near sunset, the waves were really unfriendly for rookie surfer like me. So I decided to stop. We sat on the beach, waiting for the sunset. A friend brought a camera to shoot the sunset. But we convinced him that we were also a very good object to shoot.

... photo session!

I asked him to take the picture of me, just like the ads in Yahoo! Vacation.. He laughed. He took the picture of me with the surfing board. The result is more like the Quicksilver or Oakley advertisement. I’m quite satisfied. I looked good. The surfer board, too. That’s why cute surf board is soOo important!

When the night fell, we returned home. All tan and exhausted. Full of bruises too!

Just when I thought things are going better and better..

2007-02-09T15:55:00.000+07:00

My come-back to Bali is not so called “a sweet come back”. The first week, I had a quarrel with my ex- who happened to have job assignment in Bali. Bad quarrel. I’m quite embarrassed to remember it. Thanks God I had Papi P as my shoulder to cry on, and him to comfort me.

The second week, my boss started to fuss of my being picked-up and dropped by him. She said it’s not allowed since he’s using office hour to pick me up. It’s right but it’s not fair. Because other staff are also using office hour to pick up and drop their children. Beside, it’s not taking so much time. And he’s already done with his duty. So we started to do backstreet: when my boss is out, he picks me up. It went smooth at first.
Until…

The next week, he said that he’s afraid with how things grow between us. We became closer and closer (psssttt… we’ve been TTM for a month now). And it’s a no-future relationship, so to speak. We have different religion. Yes, it matters! For both of us.
And he already has a girl friend. So that week, we had an on-off relationship, just like a real couple. But then we decided to let it flow and enjoy the feeling.. maybe until I complete my duty here.

This week, things are worse. He had a quarrel with his girl friend. She urged him not to take me home again. And he doesn’t want things become worse. So he asked someone else to replace his duty: take me home.

No word whatsoever to finish our relationship. I just said, “Why don’t you go to talk things over with her?” To be frank, I didn’t say that with all my heart. I felt hurt inside. And he said, “I want to be alone, no need girl friend.”

It’s hard to describe how I feel. Sad, mad, disappointed, unfair, sad…
I feel sad most of the time. He becomes my comfort zone. I ran to him when I had quarrel with my ex. I called him when I need anything. I told him how I feel and what I do everyday. Now I have to act as if nothing happened between us.

Starting today, someone else will take me home. No more joking, dating, fighting, cuddling before going home.

Hmmmmppphhfff….

He stood me up!!

2007-02-05T14:42:00.000+07:00

My cousin asked me to watch her show. I asked him to accompany me, because when my cousin is on stage, I will be sitting alone in the bar. He said he would come after he finishes his ‘duty’ (it was Saturday night, and his duty is to visit his girl friend).
I agreed. So I went with my cousin at 9, expected him to drop by at eleven.

At eleven, he called. Said that he had a quarrel with his girl friend, and that I shouldn’t call or send him sms as his celullar was being confiscated. (What an unhealthy relationship!!)

He said he still would come.

I waited, and waited, and waited. My cousin asked me to sit in the front table, but I said I wanted to wait for him. I sat next to the door so I would see him coming. I pretended to talk on the phone outside the café to look for him. He didn’t show up!

Had I known he wouldn’t come, I wouldn’t come to this café. I couldn’t stand sitting alone for 3 hours. A girl, sitting alone in the corner of a café.. it’s not an elegant view, is it? I saw some middle-aged men gave me those flirty looks, some couples gave me pitty looks… Uggghhhh!!

“Where the hell is he?” , my heart cried.

I couldn’t call him (His girl friend confiscated his cell, remember? What an unhealthy relationship! Did I said that already?)

He didn’t come, didn’t call.
He stood me up!!

Dance like nobody’s watching..

2007-02-05T14:31:00.000+07:00

Sbetulnya gw agak malu ni untuk ngaku. Salah satu obsesi gw adalah... bisa nari! Ga tau kenapa, badan gw jadi kaku untuk gerakan2 dance. Any dance, you name it! Ballet, modern, salsa, chacha, RnB apalagi free style... Padahal badan gw lumayan luwes dan lentur. Gerakan yoga yang susah bagi orang lain aja gw bisa. Tapi ya itu.. kalo untuk urusan dance, kok jadi cupu banget gw...

Gw punya beberapa teori tentang hal ini:
Teori pertama: gw punya hambatan psikologis untuk dance. ga pe de gitu dweeeeh maksudnya. Mati gaya aja rasanya...
Teori kedua: gw punya masalah koordinasi badan. Sbenernya ini menjelaskan kenapa gw ga pernah jago nyetir, baik mobil atau motor.. Me + Vehicle = BAD IDEA!).

Gw pernah lho ikutan dance course. Terakhir gw join kelas di gym, HipHop Dance dan MTV Style. Gaya euy! Bareng sama ABG dan AGJ (Anak Gaul Jakarta-red). Instrukturnya lumayan keren pula. About my dance? Ga sukses tentunya!

Anyway, waktu itu gw nonton film di HBO (ga.. bukan tv gw! Gw masi nunggu sumbangan TV dari temen MT untuk kado ultah gw. Waktu itu gue nginep di hotel, ada temen yang lagi dinas di bali. Ps. Oya tentang kado TV, yang berasa ayo dong beliin!! Janji palsu dwweeeh.. ). Sampe mana tadi? Oya gw nonton film tentang dance. Tentang anak jalanan dan bagaimana dance merubah hidup mereka. Sayang gw ga nangkep judulnya apa. Lumayan asik padahal. Gw lumayan terinspirasi. Gw coba inget-inget gerakannya, langkahnya… yang sebetulnya simple banget. I can imagine myself doing those moves. The only problem with my imagination is.. IT’S NOT REAL! *grin*
Waktu gw coba melakukan gerakan-gerakan itu (tentunya pas ga ada orang yang liat!), gw sadar kalo gw punya masalah serius. I moved awkwardly. Stiff. Unharmonious. Cupu!

Tentunya gw ga gampang menyerah dong.. Gw coba berdiri di depan cermin, pejamkan mata, berusaha menghayati beat lagu, konsentrasi pada gerakan-gerakan, mulai mengerakkan tangan dan kaki... lalu gw buka mata........

…

…

TETEPP ANCUR!
Uggghhh!!

There, now you know my little secret. But, like I said, I wouldn’t give up easily. Wise man say ’It’s all in your mind’. Like Paulo Coelho famous line: if you want something so badly, the whole universe will conspire to help you.

Gw cuma perlu niat yang kuat kok!

Gw jadi kepikir hipnoterapi. Gw pernah liat TV waktu Romi Rafael menghipnotis orang untuk nari India, padahal tu orang ngakunya ga pernah bisa nari India. Ternyata pas dihipnotis, luwes aja tu orang ngelilingin tiang. Seksi pula!

Someday kali ye...

Sementara itu ya.. nari2 aja sendiri. Syaratnya jangan di depan orang dan jangan di depan kaca... biar ga ilfil! Hehe...

Ps. Vacancy
Urgently required. A hypnotherapist who could give cheap price. Free will be preferred. Interesting candidate should contact me via email. Only shortlisted candidates will be notified. Men are encouraged to apply!

Beach Gurlz Day!

2006-11-15T16:15:00.000+07:00

I always love beaches. I love the salty air, the soft warm sand, the cool water, the surface, the undersea.. I loooOOve everything about beach, except.. the heat that makes my skin darkened! And it’s unavoidable.. *sigh*

So we went to three beaches last Saturday. All three with different excitement. First I went to Nusa Dua. Many people say it’s the best beach in Bali. That can be true. The long coastal line framed with white glowing sand, the inviting cool blue water with mild wave, the scenery of pura Geger at the top of the hill, the bule although not as stacked as Kuta peacefully sunbathing with no clothes on… (ehem!).

I was reluctant to swim at first. What, with the sun shining at the 12 o’clock noon? No, thanks! But then again, there’s no tree at the shore. The umbrellas already loaded with bule, and it’s expensive too. I had no choice.. better swim than meleleh di pantai!

After one and half hour swimming and posing (hidup Narsis!!), we went to Pura Geger, just miles away from the beach to had lunch. We ate sandwich and rujak next to the pura, where we can enjoy the scenery of the beach and the reef. I swear, it’s a breath-taking view! I never had lunch as delicious as that one!

We then went to Dreamland. They say it’s the next Kuta. Yup, there was much more naked foreigners.. topless at least..(local people say SUMUR = susu dijemur!). Bet you guys will looooOOove to be here! The wave quite heavy here, perfect for surfing but not for swimming. We tried to swim but the wave rolled us back to the shore… terkapar like dead fish. It’s quite fun. Unfortunately we had to go to Uluwatu to see the sunset.

Uluwatu beach. It’s one of the kind. We had to go down the stair until we find kinda gua. The smell is unpleasant, but the view quite nice. After the gua, there’s the pool-like beach. A bule talked to me, “A nice swimming pool, with monkeys!” Yup, at 5 o’clock the flock of monkeys return from nowhere.. I remember the flock of people return from Jakarta to Bekasi at that hour too… Maybe the monkeys just come back from their place of work?

A little walk from the pool-like beach, went through the tunnel made from reef, we find the laut lepas. It’s where we wait for the sunset. They say it’s beautiful from here. And I proved them right. I watched the color of the sun change from yellow to red to crimson… until it vanished at the horizon line.. For couple minutes, everyone at the beach seemed to have silent period. It’s unspoken law. The only voice maybe just a whisper say, “It’s beautiful”. It’s strange, sun sets everyday…it’s routine, but watching the sunset everywhere in the world still give me this kind of feeling: magic!

I went back home to Kuta, all tan and ache! But it’s worth it! Now I can proudly claim myself as Beach Girl! Or Beach Bitch? The later seems to cause your tongue twist, huh?.

Me + Vehicle = Bad Idea!

2006-11-10T12:50:00.000+07:00

Tiap Rabu sore gw punya kegiatan baru di Bali. Melukis? Bukan! Belajar keramik? Bukan! Nari bali? Tetot!! Salah! yang bener…belajar motor! Di sini penting banget untuk bisa naik motor. Awalnya gw diledekin gitu karena ga bisa naik motor, disuruh kembali ke rahim ibu… Orang Bali dari lahir udah pada bisa naik motor kayaknya.

Dulu ga kepikir kalo gw bakal mau naik motor. Rasanya serem aja gitu. Kalo naik mobil kan, kalo nyerempet masih ada bodi mobilnya.. kalo motor kan langsung kena bodi kita. Lecet-lecet dong.. nanti bisa menghambat niat gw mewakili Indonesia dalam ajang Miss World kan?

Anyway, rabu kemaren tu kali kedua gw belajar motor. Berhubung udah 2 minggu sejak latihan pertama, lupa lagi kan gw mana gas mana rem. Ya udah penyesuaian dulu. Tapi ternyata kemampuan kognitif otak gw lumayan kok, sebentar saja gw dah bisa (ya iyalah.. secara yg gw bawa tu motor matic!). Sang instruktur yang baik hati ga lama melepas gw membawa motor itu sendirian. Masih di temapt parkiran gitu sii, belom di tengah pasar kaget. Jadi ganciilll deeh buat gw!!

Satu putaran, dua putaran.. lancar. Dengan kecepatan 10-15 km perjam, gw bisa menikmati angin sore yang sejuk menerpa muka, semburat mentari yang siap-siap kembali ke peraduan, debur ombak yang terlihat dari jalan.. Wuih gw nyetir dengan jumawa! Mulai berani garuk muka yang digigit nyamuk (tadinya gw tahan aja biar gatel), mulai berani nyesuain posisi duduk, mulai berani nengok kanan-kiri (tadinya lempeeeeeenggg ajah!) sampai akhirnya.... breeemmmmmmmmm Ciiiitttttt!!
Ada anjing lewat. Secara gw grogi, gw malah ngegas lebih kenceng, pas ngeh baru ngerem (catet: kayaknya gw ada masalah koordinasi badan dan otak). Untung gw bisa menguasai keadaan dan keseimbangan, walau tangan gw sampe keseleo nahan motor supaya ga jatoh.

Terus, dengan anggun gw kembali ke posisi standby. Tarik nafas.. buang.. tarik lagi... sampe tiga kali. Eee.. mesinnya mati deh.

TERUS GIMANA MENSTARTER LAGIH?

Ternyata gw belom diajarin cara starter motor. Wah gawat nih! Mana instruktur gw berada jauh di balik tembok. Gw ga brani dong mencet2 tombol cockpit, eh dashboard, eh.. kalo motor namanya apa ya?

Alhasil gw dorong motornya sampe ke tempat instruktur gw yang lagi nunggu sambil minum teh botol! Mana berat lagi motornya...

Cwapeeee dweeeeeeee....

About PS

2006-10-30T16:09:00.000+07:00

I walked hastily to reach her. There she is! A grand gracious figure. Couple more yards, I’ll be inside her...

... Plaza Senayan

“Home”, I said longingly. My friend gave me the strange look. She must think I’m exaggerating, or worse.. insane. The fact is, I really miss this place.
It’s our headquarters, best meeting point, a place to see and to be seen…

You probably think I’m a hedonist consumptive sale-freak shopaholic kinda girl. No no no! It’s not about the place, really. It’s what it represents…

My friend could text me one day, asked me to accompany her to PS looking for a special gift, or she had bad day at the office and needed a cup of coffee, other friends celebrated his promotion or birthday or farewell or..
another friend had a blind date and it went bad and she urged me to go there to rescue her…

It represents togetherness, friendship, fun, compassion…

I’m emotionally attached to this place.

Ps. I’m not working for PS nor its PR agency. I don’t get paid for this post. But, if PS management happens to read this, and would like to give me some rewards.. please do so! I don’t mind… ;p

About Forgiveness

2006-10-20T10:16:00.000+07:00

A friend gave this quote:
“The stupid neither forgives nor forgets,
The naïve forgives and forgets,
The wise forgives but not forget”

I’ve been thinking a lot about forgiveness.
Yes, it’s the moment of the year to forgive and ask for forgiveness.
Thousand times, if not countless times, we’ve been lying ourselves by saying “It’s alright”, while we’re still hurting.
Some things take much longer time to get over with.
Sometimes even after we got over it, the scar never completely heals…

It’s very difficult to forgive.
It’s even more difficult to forget.

“Being stronger is not holding on,
But letting go…”

So, be the strong! Let go all the grudges.
Forgive me, okay?

It’s strange how things grow…

2006-10-20T10:13:00.000+07:00

My ex-boy friend, now becomes a very good friend of mine.
I think there’s no room for us to blackmail each other, as we keep each others’ “little secrets”.

Sometimes I wonder how our relationship could grow this way
I once fell all over for him, wept hundreds nights for him.
There were times when we couldn’t stand each other’s presence…
Those days are gone…
Now, as we grow mature (yeah, right!), we end up kinda depend on each other in most peculiar way…

Before I came to Bali, he constantly encourages me.
He knows I hate loneliness.
I remember he said this, “You take care, will you? Don’t fall easily with an asshole who would just take advantage on you because you’re lonely…”

It’s one hell of an advise coming from your ex isn’t it?

On my reckless nights here, when I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, having nothing’s to do and noone to talk to, wait for the mercy of God to put me to sleep soon… he calls.
We talk, and laugh, and giggle, call each other names, more laugh…
He put a smile on my sleep.

Thanks, pal!

it's my cup of tea now..

2006-10-19T16:43:00.000+07:00

I’ve been racking my brain trying to write something – some light, witty or insightful little story about my life. Words haven’t come so easily to me lately as there are lots of things weighing heavily on my mind.

So, I’ve been living in a paradise island for almost 2 weeks now (excluded 10 days in Makassar). I live in an exotic 4-bedroom house just away from the beach. I can see the pristine blue beach and a white spark of wave, and black sand just by standing by my window. I can smell the salty air every time I take my breath.

Sounds like a dream everyone’s dreaming, huh?

The thing is, I’m alone. Far from my family. In my younger life, I always wanted to live in dormitory, you know like Enid Blyton’s Mallory Towers or St Clare. But living in dormitory (with lots of friends) is completely different from living alone in a house far far away from home. I couldn’t get descent sleep at first. I dismay the chicken running through my yard (I’m 200% sure they haven’t got the vaccine for AI!!), I got freaked out when someone suddenly turned off the light. I worried if the tokek living in the back of the cupboard would approach and touch me when I sleep…

Oh.. about the guy who turned off the light.. I found out later that he didn’t mean to frightened me or anything… he just want to have some fun by peeping out the lovers who often made out near the beach. And my backyard is just a perfect location to peep!

I don’t mean to sound like ungrateful person. NOOOOoooooo!! It’s just that.. I don’t really enjoy being here. Maybe not yet. Maybe it takes sometimes for me to adjust all this abrupt changes from my secured life to a fractured world! Haha….

Wish me luck…
(I badly need that, especially during the night before I close my eyes and I see the tokek shyly peeping from the cupboard!)

choices

2006-09-24T17:55:00.000+07:00

life is full of choices.
and for some people, that's fine. piece of cake. click of a finger.
not me.
I, along with others under the sign of Libra-I think, have trouble making choices.

"just write down a list of pos and negs, advantages and disadvantages. Then you'll be able to choose.", so people say.
yeah right...
not making my life easier.

"why? just see which list count most.", they said.

the thing is, for me, each time I make a list of pos and negs... I put value for each entry.
for example:
going to work to bali going to work to aceh
nice place + 2 +1
house by the beach +1 -1
foods -2 +1
transportation -1 +1
prospective romance +1 +2
current romance +1 -2
work +1 +2
pleasure +2 -2
parent approval +2 -1
long term prospect +1 +2

and sometimes I changed my mind for the values. depends on the mood.
that makes the choosing bussiness become harder for me.
and take some more time to think and think and think? does it help?
NoooOOOOoooo!

I don't know why the sign of Libra is balance.
*hmmmppppphhhh*

Blind Date (remind me not to do it again!)

2006-09-18T12:50:00.000+07:00

Gw kayaknya selalu kurang sukses untuk urusan blind date. Ga tau kenapa. Gw selalu ketemu sama orang-orang aneh. Kalo gw bilang aneh, artinya memang aneh. Sekali lagi, ANEH! Terakhir tahun 2004, gw pernah bilang ama temen gw, please remind me not to do it (blind date) again. Dia cuma nyegir2 najong.

Oh ya, sebelum persepsi anda terlalu melenceng, coba saya luruskan dulu. When I say blind date, itu artinya gw ktemuan pertama kali ama orang yang tadinya telpon2an, email2an, sms2an ama gw. Artinya gw dah kenal cuma blom ketemu aja.

Pernah gw janjian sama orang yang gw kenal tapi blom pernah ketemu (selanjutnya kita singkat JSOYGKTBPK) di salah satu mall. Waktu ngeliat… uhmm.. fisiknya si ga terlalu oke. Lagian gw bukan orang yang terlalu ngeliat fisik, yang penting pengertian (ceileh!). Jadi untuk hal itu termaafkanlah. Tapi.. bow dese bawang! Ambune! Duh, tante ga tahan! Secara gw gadis libra yang sangat mengagungkan wewangian (halahh!!)

Pada kesempatan JSOYGKTBPK lain, gw janjian di mesjid, secara dia ustadz di mesjid itu. Kebetulan hari itu dia ceramah. Sejuk ga si loe dengernya? *twink twink*

Anyhow, gw dateng, gw liat dan gw... terhenyak!! Sekali lagi gw bukan orang yang fisik-minded (apa seh?), tapi kali itu... temen yang nganterin gw aja sampe bilang, ”Astaghfirulloh” sambil mulutnya mangap dan tangannya mengelus dada saking kagetnya. Ga usah detail ya? Ntar dosa gw!

Dan karena gw konsisten untuk tidak fisik-minded, gw tetap aja berteman baik sama ustadz itu. Tapi nek.. tiap hari yang ada dia preaching mulu. Ngatur terus. Khotbah terus. Dan gw tau banget he doesn’t practice what he preaches. Dia sama sekali tidak menyejukkan. Selalu sinis dan merasa paling mulia. Males kan?

Kemaren ini, seperti lupa pengalaman buruk sebelumnya, gw mau JSOYGKTBPK lagi. Ceritanya gini:

Gw ama dua temen cwe gw mau ke Bandung, dalam rangka ikut mensukseskan event “Bandung Great Sale 1-24 September”. Karena ga ada yang rela nyetir sampe Bdg, alhasil kita bakalan ngangkot selama d Bandung. Angkot Bandung? Blurrggghhh! Yap, gw udah banyak denger tentang reputasi angkot di Bandung. And the idea of having someone to take us everywhere seems very convenience! Jadi, gw hubungi temen email2an gw yang pernah nawarin diri untuk nemenin kalo gw ke Bdg.

In short, janjianlah kita. Tapi dia ga bawa kendaraan (kok kedengeran spt cwe matre ya?), akhirnya kita rental car deh! Agak melenceng dari rencana semula si. Eh tunggu dulu, waktu pertama ketemu, God Gracious, fisiknya tidak tercela. Kasep lah! Trus pake numpang sholat dulu. Alim lah! Rapi. Ga bau. Untuk 30 menit pertama dia mulus dapetin banyak poin dari gw, hingga.. *sigh* Hingga waktu dia ngasi kartu nama (in English version: a business card), dia memberikan seGEPOK kartu nama! Dengan bidang pekerjaan yang berbeda2. Dengan gelar berderet pula. Entahlah, kali ini gw urung mengeluarkan poin lagi buat dia. Terlalu aneh rasanya.

Anyway, dia ngajak kita makan ke suatu tempat yang menurut dia ”restoran ikan yang paling enak dan harus dicoba karena ikannya macem2 dan bumbunya enak banget”. Tempatnya di Lembang. Ternyata tempatnya sunyi sepi dan terpencil. Kedatangan kita disambut lolongan anjing yang duuile banyak banget dan gelapnya resto. Keanehan yang kedua. Kalo resto ini bener2 ”restoran ikan yang paling enak dan harus dicoba karena ikannya macem2 dan bumbunya enak banget”, masa sih senyap begini? Oiya, pada saat itu kita sudah tahu kalo cwo ini ahli hipnotis. Tertulis di salah satu kartu namanya. So, langkah pertama kita setelah memesan makanan (yang ternyata cuma ada SATU jenis ikan saja, yaitu ikan mas.) adalah ke toilet. Loh? Ya, di sana kita rundingan dan saling mengingatkan untuk tidak meNGOSONGKAN pikiran. Gelagatnya rada ga bener nih...

Sambil makan kita ngobrol, dan semakin banyak kejanggalan yang terjadi. Memang kayaknya si dia pinter, banyak tau, bahkan sok tau. Oya, dia sudah DOKTOR (menurut kartu namanya) padahal usianya gw taksir baru mid thirties-lah. Coba tebak apa jawabya waktu gw tanya gelar doktornya untuk bidang apa? Nyerah? Intelijen! terus terus, waktu gw tanya itu belajar apa aja, dia Cuma bilang ”ya macem-macemlah”. Waktu gw desak, ”misalnya?”. Dia mengalihkan dengan cerita bahwa dia ikut membantu pihak berwajib untuk menemukan Dul Matin (tokoh teroris). Yeah right!

Masih belum aneh menurut anda? Oke, how bout this: Dia punya pasien yang merasa ada yang salah pada dirinya namun ga tau apa. Dia ngasih terapi dengan ”membawa pasien itu ke masa lalu’ sehingga pasien itu berada di jaman perang (don’t look at me, I’m confused too) dimana dia melihat sewaktu dia sedang memaksa dan menyiksa tawanan untuk mengaku. Ternyata tawanan yang sudah meninggal itu tidak bersalah dan pasien itu ternyata dihantui perasaan bersalah. Itu kan cuma ada di film, bukan? Kayak cerita Quantum Leap, di mana loe bisa memperbaiki kesalahan loe di masa lalu. Yeah right!

Gw dan dua temen gw akhirnya sepakat bulat mufakat bahwa dia aneh. Dan kami ga bermaksud merepotkan dia lagi untuk nemenin kita keliling Bandung. Gw juga sudah meminta dua temen gw itu untuk berjanji ngingetin gw NOT TO DO IT (blind date) AGAIN!

Ga tau kenapa gw ga pernah sukses kalo Blind Date. Sebenernya banyak hal lain yang gw ga sukses, tapi itu cerita lain ;p Me+blind date= bad idea.

ps. buat yang penasaran apakah bumbu ikannya enak seperti dia bilang, jawabannya adalah TIDAK!

jalan di tempat

2006-08-11T14:34:00.000+07:00

kamu memang perlu berdamai dengan masa lalu kamu, sayang...
*keluh
supaya kamu bisa melangkah maju
aku janji akan mendampingimu

sekarang kamu hanya jalan di tempat.

masih tentang kepompong

2006-07-11T20:14:00.000+07:00

ingat waktu aku cerita tentang kepompong kan, sayang?
betapa ia sudah terlalu terbiasa dalam rumah kepompongnya,
sehingga enggan untuk menjadi kupu-kupu?
mungkin jadi kupu-kupu rada repot, harus cari madu atau sari bunga sendiri, tak seperti di kepompong yang semua sudah tersedia.

kamu ulat dalam kepompong itu, sayang...
kamu tahu hidup dalam kepompong tak selamanya membuatmu senang.
bahkan kini, saat ini, kepompongmu sudah kekeringan.
tak lagi bisa memberimu 'kehidupan' seperti dulu.
tapi kamu tak mau keluar juga.
kamu masih betah
atau kamu terlalu takut menghadapi dunia luar?
dunia di luar kepompong?

hey, siapa tau kamu bakal jadi kupu-kupu cantik?
dan lagi, di sekelilingmu banyak bunga yang bisa membantumu bertahan hidup.
membuat hidupmu lebih menyenangkan.
memberimu sari terbaiknya.
paling tidak ada satu bunga.
aku.
kalau aku boleh ber-geer ria menjadi bunga.

tapi kamu masih takut dan ragu keluar dari kepompong.
mungkin kamu takut keluar menjadi kupu-kupu lemah dan buruk?
kamu takut tak bisa bertahan?
takut 'mati', mungkin?

guess what, honey...
if you stay in that coccoon, you'll die anyway...
so why don't you let me be a good flower
who can give you all the sweets you need?

how bout that?

Norwegian Wood

2006-03-11T16:30:00.000+07:00

“Ingatan merupakan sesuatu yang aneh. Ketika benar-benar ada di sana, aku hampir tidak memperhatikan pemandangan itu. Namun sekarang.. karena begitu jelasnya, seakan-akan aku bisa meraba semua itu satu per satu.. “

Sewaktu remaja, Toru Watanabe memiliki seorang sahabat bernama Kizuki. Kizuki mempunyai kekasih – yang juga temannya sejak usia 3 tahun-, Naoko. Mereka bertiga sering menghabiskan waktu bersama, Namun saat itu Watanabe-san tidak banyak mengobrol dengan Naoko, Kizuki selalu jadi penengah. Ia seorang yang baik, ramah dan pandai beradaptasi. Suatu hari, di usianya yang ke 17, Kizuki ditemukan tewas bunuh diri di dalam mobil. Tak ada yang tahu motif kematian Kizuki. Sebagai orang yang terakhir bersama Kizuki, ia sempat diinterogasi untuk mengetahui motif kematian Kizuki. Kematian Kizuki begitu membekas bagi Watanabe. Dia memutuskan untuk meneruskan kuliah ke Tokyo, ke tempat dimana tidak ada orang yang mengenalnya.

Suatu hari, secara kebetulan Watanabe bertemu dengan Naoko. Naoko yang dalam pandangan Watanabe telah banyak berubah, lebih kurus tapi cantik dan anggun. Mereka jadi sering bertemu, tapi masih sedikit obrolan diantara mereka. Naoko mempunyai kesulitan dalam merangkai kata. Sepertinya begitu banyak yang dipikirkannya. Topik mengenai Kizuki seperti suatu hal yang tabu dibicarakan. Mereka hanya berjalan-jalan, minum kopi lalu pulang. Namun kebersamaan itu menjadi kebiasaan tiap minggu. Mereka menjadi dekat. Pada ulang tahun Naoko yang ke dua puluh, mereka merayakannya berdua di apartemen Naoko, minum Sake dan melakukan hubungan seks - hal yang pertama kali dilakukan Naoko. Ketika ditanya kenapa tidak pernah melakukannya dengan Kizuki, Naoko menangis dan tak mau lagi berkata-kata. Kemudian Naoko menghilang.

Watanabe bingung dengan perginya Naoko. Ia sudah sangat terbiasa dengan keberadaan Naoko. Dia coba surati Naoko ke kampung halamannya, namun berkali-kali tak pernah dibalas. Sambil terus menjalani kehidupannya sebagai mahasiswa, Watanabe terus bertanya-tanya tentang Naoko. Dia juga merasa bersalah.

Sebagai mahasiswa dari keluarga yang tidak terlalu kaya, Watanabe tinggal di asrama. Di sana dia banyak bertemu dengan orang-orang yang aneh, ada si Kopasgat, teman sekamarnya yang gila disiplin dan kebersihan; Nagasawa yang pintar, cerdas, kaya dan gila perempuan; bahkan Bapak asrama yang tiap pagi dan sore selalu melakukan upacara bendera. Tentang kehidupan di asrama disajikan penulis dengan segar dan khas kehidupan dalam asrama pria: kamar yang jorok dan bau, poster-poster wanita telanjang dan kebiasaan masturbasi.

Dalam salah satu perkuliahan dia bertemu seorang gadis bernama Midori, seorang gadis yang juga aneh dalam pandangan Watanabe. Midori tidak seperti gadis kebanyakan: rambutnya pendek seperti laki-laki, berbicara dengan blak-blakkan, bahkan untuk hal jorok sekalipun, menghisap Marlboro, bermain gitar ketika tetangganya mengalami kebakaran. Namun dari ceritanya Watanabe menankkap betapa hidup Midori begitu berat, walaupun Midori selalu tampak ceria. Diam-diam dia mulai menyukai gadis badung itu.

Suatu ketika datang surat dari Naoko. Ternyata dia sedang mengalami perawatan atas semacam gangguan jiwa. Dia berada jauh di balik gunung, di suatu tempat rehabilitasi. Naoko mengundang Watanabe untuk mengunjunginya. Tawaran itu diterima oleh Watanabe, dia menempuh perjalanan jauh ke Kyoto untuk menemui Naoko. Di tempat yang indah tapi terpencil itu, orang-orang saling membantu, memenuhi kebutuhan hidup dengan bercocok tanam dan menyibukkan diri dengan bekerja. Semacam koloni yang terpisah dari dunia luar. Naoko terlihat sehat, namun rapuh. Namun tetap ada yang aneh dari Naoko. Kamatian kakaknya dengan gantung diri, lalu kekasihnya Kizuki yang bunuh diri, membuat jiwa Naoko begitu terguncang. Reiko-san teman sekamar sekaligus penasehat Naoko yang jago bermain gitar, menasehati Watanabe untuk membantu Naoko. Bertiga mereka menghabiskan waktu di pondokan kecil, berjalan-jalan, mengobrol, bermain gitar. Norwegian Wood merupakan lagu yang paling sering dimainkan Reiko-san.

Kehidupan Watanabe berjalan apa adanya: mengikuti kuliah, ke bar dan mencari perempuan dengan Nagasawa-san, jalan-jalan dan mengobrol dengan Midori yang badung, menulis surat kepada Naoko, bekerja paruh waktu, membaca. Sampai ketika ulangtahunnya yang keduapuluh, Watanabe bertekad menjadi dewasa. Ia mempersiapkan masa depannya untuk hidup bersama Naoko. Menemani dan menjaga Naoko seumur hidupnya. Memperbaiki rumah, membuat meja, merapikan halaman, agar ketika Naoko datang semua sudah siap.

Mimpi Watanabe tiba-tiba hilang ketika Naoko memutuskan menggantung diri di dalam hutan yang gelap. Naoko ternyata tak pernah mencintainya, bahkan memilih untuk bersama Kizuki. Dalam kegalauannya dia melakukan perjalanan, luntang-lantung seperti gelandangan, melarikan diri dari kehidupannya.

pathetic

2005-12-27T16:35:00.000+07:00

You, COWARD!
If you can't pursue for your own happiness,
how can I expect you would make me happy?

You are like a chrysalis, but you refuse to go out from your comfortable nest
and become butterfly.
Why?
Because you just CAN'T take RISK!

you know you're not happy w/ your condition now,
but you don't have guts to change.
Change for you is worse than being unhappy
you are PATHETIC!

What disappoints you?

2005-11-08T18:22:00.001+07:00

When you get poor grade on a test, that disappoints you
When your friends forgot your birthday, that disappoints you
When your friends can’t come to the agreed gathering because they didn’t get ‘CONFIRMATION’, that disappoints you
(then you start thinking, am I having a friend-gathering or a business meeting? Do friends need to get confirmation to meet now? And who should make the confirmation? You! Yes, You! They don’t bother to contact you to make confirmation; they WAIT for your confirmation.)
In short, when something doesn’t go quite what you expect it to be, that disappoints you.
You’re disappointed because you EXPECT to get good grades, instead you get poor grades.

So how do we not to get disappointed?
First, you should LOWER your expectation. You shouldn’t expect your friend to remember your birthday. They have many other important things to remember. Face it, you are not on the list. Second, you should REDEFINE your values. Your values of friendship, such as :
- stand by me through ups and downs
- take me as I am
don’t go with them. For them, friendship is when you could be at use for them. When you’re not, you have to make confirmation to meet them, on the agreed schedule. Then they will CONSIDER to meet you, provided they don’t have other more ‘important’ or ‘interesting’ things to do. Maybe you’re not interesting. Maybe you’re not important. Maybe you’re not useful. Maybe you’re not…
… needed anymore.
That gives the term “A friend in need is a friend indeed” a whole different meaning!
That’s really disappointing!

Kapoposang

2005-10-11T19:19:00.000+07:00

PULAU KAPOPOSANG
Surga Kecil di Selatan Sulawesi

Koran Tempo, 2 Oktober 2005
Gradasi laut dengan warna biru-hijau-toska terlihat dari depan rumah panggung. Sambil mengangkat kaki di teras ditemani kwaci dan jus markisa, kami terlena dibelai semilir angin pantai. Santai dan rileks. Suatu kemewahan bagi kaum urban seperti kita. “Serasa Onassis ya kita, serasa pulau milik pribadi”, kata seorang rekan saya. Saya mengiyakan sambil menyapu pandangan ke hamparan pasir putih yang dinaungi deretan pohon cemara dan kelapa yang menyejukkan. Di bibir pantai sebuah perahu cano teronggok menunggu untuk dinaiki. Namun saya belum rela melepaskan leyeh-leyeh di siang hari seperti ini. Nanti saja lah, canoing pas sunset, pikir saya. Mendayung di tengah air laut yang bersemburat kemerahan refleksi jejak sang surya yang terbenam, sambil jadi objek foto siluet fotografer dadakan. Siang itu kami baru saja melepas kepergian rekan-rekan yang pergi menyelam ke salah satu dive point yang biasanya sering terlihat hiu sirip putih atau sirip hitam. Sebagian lagi memilih untuk trolling (memancing dengan cara umpannya ditarik dengan kapal). Kami memilih untuk istirahat menyimpan energi untuk night dive, apalagi malam ini sepertinya masih full moon.

Pulau Kapoposang, terletak 68 km dari kota Makassar, dapat ditempuh sekitar 90 menit dengan boat. Pulau berpenduduk sekitar 600 jiwa itu merupakan pulau paling selatan dari gugusan pulau di Sulawesi Selatan, yang biasa dilalui kapal-kapal dari Kalimantan. Sinyal telepon selular tidak dapat menjangkau pulau ini. Namun untuk urusan emergensi, resor menyediakan telepon satelit. Listrik dan TV sebenarnya sudah masuk, hanya di resor kami sama sekali tidak ada tv. Bahkan listrik baru menyala setelah jam 6 sore dan mati jam 6 pagi. Benar-benar sebuah hideaway place yang sempurna.

Kami tiba di pulau Kapoposang tiga hari yang lalu. Penduduk Kapoposang - yang tinggal di luar kompleks resor - hidup dengan sangat sederhana. Hanya ada satu sekolah dasar di Kapoposang. Sehingga siswa yang mau meneruskan ke SMP harus pergi ke Pangkep atau Makassar. Keadaan sekolah pun sangat sederhana. Hanya ada satu ruang kelas dan tiga orang guru untuk mengajar kelas 1 sampai kelas 6. Para siswa terpaksa masuk sekolah bergantian: pagi untuk kelas 1-3, siang kelas 4-6. Dengan didukung Dana Bantuan Kemanusiaan dari salah satu media, rombongan kami yang dikomandoi kak Nunuk menyalurkan bantuan berupa buku-buku dan perlengkapan sekolah (tas, pulpen, peta dan flip chart) kepada siswa-siswi sekolah dasar. Sambutan yang diberikan para siswa dan penduduk sangat luar biasa, apalagi setelah Kak Nunuk memberikan game-game sederhana tapi seru. Anak-anak pun bergantian menyumbangkan suara untuk menghibur kami. Ruang sekolah yang sempit begitu sesak dipenuhi pengunjung. Ruangan terasa hangat, namun tak seberapa dibandingkan hangatnya hati kami.

Pulau Kapoposan atau Kapoposang karena orang Makassar biasa mengakhiri kata dengan ‘ng’, merupakan obyek diving yang sudah cukup terkenal. Diver-diver dari mancanegara, terutama Jepang tiap musim libur selalu memenuhi satu-satunya resor di pulau ini yang dikelola PT Makassar Tirta Wisata. Mungkin karena namanya yang mirip Jepang (Kapopo-san atau Tuan Kapopo) atau karena salah satu pemilik resor ini kebetulan orang Jepang, yang pasti hidangan di pulau sering kali menyajikan sashimi, dengan ikan yang diambil langsung dari laut oleh para dive guide dari Makassar Diving Center (MDC) dengan spear gun nya. Diver lokal pun banyak yang datang ke pulau ini. Kebanyakan regular visitor, yang sudah berkali-kali datang. Rombongan kami saja selalu menyempatkan tiap tahun datang ke pulau ini karena sudah kepincut dengan keindahan alam dan keakraban dengan para staf dan penduduk setempat..

Dive point di sekitar pulau Kapoposang kebanyakan berupa drop-off atau wall. Agak disayangkan di beberapa bagian wall yang tidak terlalu dalam sudah rusak akibat bom para nelayan. Ironisnya, bom tersebut dilakukan oleh para nelayan yang bukan berasal dari pulau Kapoposang. Penduduk Kapoposang sudah terbiasa untuk menjaga perairan pulau mereka. Mereka bahkan tidak mau melempar jaring di dekat karang karena takut merusak karang. Mereka sadar betul, kalau karang rusak, ikan tidak punya rumah, mereka akan sulit mendapat ikan.

Sedikit kedalam, wall dengan dinding karang dan sea fan serta coral berwarna-warni memanjakan mata. Ikan-ikan karang berbagai bentuk dan warna berseliweran sibuk. Sebagaimana ciri khas daerah wall yang memang disukai ikan-ikan pelagic, dive site di Kapoposang sering dijumpai hiu (black tip, white tip), barracuda, trevally, rainbow runner, dogtooth tuna, sampai grouper. Di beberapa cave sering ditemui penyu, lobster, crab, scorpion fish sampai moray eel. Nudi branch dengan warna-warna mencolok tampak tidak acuh dengan kehadiran para penyelam.

Ada beberapa point yang masing-masing menawarkan keunikan tersendiri, antara lain: Shark Point, Tanjung Point, Marjono Point, Nakano Point, Ian Point, Lagoon Point dan Aquarium. Dua point pertama merupakan favorit para pencinta spear fishing, karena ikan-ikan besar sering berseliweran di sana. Arus di sana memang cukup kuat, kalau tidak hati-hati bisa tersedot down current (arus yang menarik ke bawah). Kalau mau ke point yang tidak terlalu dalam, bisa ke Nakano Point atau Aquarium Point. Disebut aquarium karena point ini memang seperti aquarium, karena wrasse (ikan laut kecil) segala warna asyik berseliweran diantara soft coral dan karang yang juga tak kalah indah dan beraneka warna. Airnya pun bening, sehingga bagi non-diver bisa turut menikmati keindahannya dengan snorkeling atau melihat dari atas cano.

Pada bagian slope, sering ditemui pari dari jenis spotted eagle ray dan sting ray, flounder (ikan sebelah), gerombolan barracuda, stone fish, crocodile fish bahkan garden eel. Sponge, soft coral dan anemone begitu kaya dan berwarna sangat menarik untuk dieksplorasi. Nemo (anemone fish) yang lucu banyak sekali ditemui dengan berbagai warna di kedalaman 3-5 meter, merupakan favorit mainan para diver sambil safety stop sebelum muncul ke permukaan. Foto-foto sambil bercanda dengan ikan, mengumpulkan kulit kerang, bermain dengan christmas tree merupakan kegiatan rutin sebelum naik ke permukaan.

Lebih ke arah selatan , yang ditempuh dalam 90 menit kita dapat menjangkau Takabakang, sebuah atol besar di tengah laut. Selain dive, takabakang menjadi favorit pemancing dan spear fishing. Arus di sana cukup kuat, sehingga disukai ikan-ikan besar. Schooling (gerombolan) tuna, schooling grouper, giant trevally, cod dan lain-lain merupakan sasaran empuk bagi mereka. Ke Takabakang harus dilakukan pagi-pagi, karena kalau kesiangan ombak dan gelombang begitu besar. Perjalanan kami ke Takabakang tempo hari cukup menantang dan merepotkan, dengan ombak yang tinggi dan arus yang kuat, boat kami seperti dimain-mainkan di tengah laut. Perut terasa dikocok-kocok, angin dan percikan air laut terasa dingin menembus wet suit, sehingga karena tak tahan akhirnya saya jack pot (muntah). Sebenarnya rute Takabakang-Kapoposang sering dilalui lumba-lumba dan whale, hanya saja saat itu mungkin kami sedang kurang beruntung

Namun keberuntungan akhirnya berpihak pada kami. Tadi pagi, ketika kami sibuk berfoto mengabadikan terbitnya matahari, kami melihat pilot whale tak jauh dari Kapoposang. Kami ikuti dengan boat. Ada sekitar 3 ekor, dengan panjang 2 meteran. Mereka berputar-putar meliuk-liukan tubuhnya. Sayang mereka tidak mau terlalu dekat boat, padahal hasil fotonya pasti akan sangat luar biasa. Menurut Ian, dive master dari MDC, jarang-jarang pilot whale terlihat di sini. Wuih, kami memang sangat beruntung!

Saya jadi ingat night dive semalam. Dari atas boat yang gelap, bintang-bintang tampak begitu banyak dan gemerlapan di langit, dan ketika tangan kita mengaduk-aduk air laut, tampak kunang-kunang laut berusaha menyaingi sinar bintang. Indahnya! Kami menyelam sekitar 18 meter. Bagi saya, night dive selalu menawarkan sensasi yang beda. Gelapnya keadaan sekeliling yang harus dibantu senter, sejuknya air laut, karang-karang yang seperti bersinar, penyu-penyu yang terbaring malas di dalam gua, ikan kakak tua (scarusa rubroviolaceus) yang terlihat begitu biru dan cantik, sweet lips oriental yang tampak lebih anggun, nudie branch yang lagi mating (kawin), pipe fish dengan warna-warna transparan, shrimp dan crab kecil-kecil berbagai warna yang kami keluarkan dari dalam sponge, ikan buntal yang diusik seorang diver sehingga menjadi bulat berduri tembem lucu, stone fish yang tak bergeming meski sorotan kamera berkali-kali menerpanya, spanish dancer yang meliuk-liukan tubuhnya menggemaskan . . . begitu banyak pengalaman menyenangkan. Tak terasa kami sudah harus naik ke permukaan, udara di tangki sudah menipis, badan mulai terasa dingin. Ketika naik, sambil menungu boat menjemput, terlihat bulan sudah muncul di langit. Begitu bulat dan besar. Membuat malam itu semakin terasa magical. Night dive yang sangat memuaskan.

Lamunan saya terhenti ketika tiba-tiba terdengar teriakan dari arah pantai. Rupanya rekan-rekan yang diving sudah sampai. Dan mereka begitu gembira dengan tangkapan mereka siang itu. Salah satu dari mereka membawa ikan sunut tikus besar dan grouper kemerahan. Ikan sunut tikus sebesar itu di restoran harganya bisa sejutaan, kata salah satu rekan yang merupakan pemerhati sea food. Wah, pesta sashimi lagi nanti malam! (fitrie/0805)

Ragam
Atol adalah pulau karang berbentuk cincin. Atol terbentuk karena pulau mendapat gerakan ke bawah sehingga kemudian terumbu membentuk terumbu pinggiran kemudian berubah menjadi terumbu penghalang sampai akhirnya terbentuk atol. Takabakang, adalah salah satu atol yang terletak di selat Makassar. Takabakang merupakan favorit pehobi pancing (fishing) dan spear fishing (memburu ikan dengan menggunakan senjata khusus). Pemancing dari Malaysia, Filipina, bahkan Jepang kerap jauh-jauh datang ke Takabakang. (fitrie/0805)

Rute
Menuju Kapoposang dan Takabakang dapat dilakukan melalui dermaga Popsa di Makassar. Dari situ kita harus menyewa speed boat. Dengan kecepatan 25 knot, rute Makassar-Kapoposang atau Makassar-Takabakang dapat ditempuh selama kurang lebih 90 menit. (fitrie/0805)

cheers on a glass of tears

2005-10-07T17:50:00.000+07:00

here..here..
for the death of Bali Blast
and many more to come following merciless fuel price

here..here..
for the workers who soon be laid off
and the students who are forced to drop out

here..here..
for our beutiful rich country
which is now sad and dampened with tears

here..here..
cheers on a glass full of tears...

Sebuah Tanya

2005-08-09T16:35:00.000+07:00


akhirnya semua akan tiba
pada suatu hari yang biasa
pada suatu ketika yang telah lama kita ketahui

apakah kau masih berbicara selembut dahulu
memintaku minum susu dan tidur yang lelap?
sambil membenarkan letak leher kemejaku

(kabut tipis pun turun pelan-pelan
di lembah kasih, lembah mendalawangi
kau dan aku tegak berdiri
melihat hutan-hutan yang suram
meresapi belaian angin yang menjadi dingin)

apakah kau masih membelaiku semesra dahulu
ketika kudekap kau
dekaplah lebih mesra, lebih dekat

(lampu-lampu berkelipan di jakarta yang sepi
kota kita berdua, yang tua dan terlena dalam mimpinya
kau dan aku berbicara
tanpa kata, tanpa suara
ketika malam yang basah menyelimuti jakarta kita)

apakah kau masih akan berkata
kudengar derap jantungmu
kita begitu berbeda dalam semua
kecuali dalam cinta

(hari pun menjadi malam
kulihat semuanya menjadi muram
wajah-wajah yang tidak kenal berbicara
dalam bahasa yang kita tidak mengerti
seperti kabut pagi itu)

manisku, aku akan jalan terus
membawa kenangan-kenangan dan harapan-harapan
bersama hidup yang begitu biru

1 April 1969
Soe Hoek Gie

from CSD, p 214.

Gie : it could have been better

2005-07-25T19:41:00.000+07:00

Rabu lalu (20 aug 2005) nonton Gie bareng sarah dan seky.
Film yang udah begitu santer didengung-dengungkan.
Dengan resensi di media yang begitu wah.
Somehow, kok gw ga sependapat ya..

Ceritanya mencoba mengakomodasi sisi patriotis dan romantis-nya Gie.
Tapi dua-duanya ga dapet!

Ada di salah satu scene, Herman sohibnya Gie nanya,
“Sebenernya untuk apa perjuangan kita ini Soe?”

Lah? Perjuangan apa? Dari tadi ga ada digambarkan mereka berjuang gitu loh…
Di saat mahasiswa lain sibuk berorasi dan buat partai, geng-nya Gie asik naik gunung dan nonton film, dan males ngeliat temennya yang jadi aktivis (yg emang digambarkan jadi nyebelin banget) lalu secara kompak keluar dari kerumunan mahasiswa lain yang lagi dengerin orasi.

Katanya Gie berjuang lewat tulisan. Tapi baru di akhir cerita, dimana Gie akhirnya dijauhi semua orang baru keliatan Gie tuh nulis apa aja. Sebelumnya, di masa ‘perjuangan’ itu, ide dan opini Gie ga digambarkan.

Sisi romantis juga ga tajam. Adegan romantis cuma pas lagi sama Ira (Rida RSD) trus nanya,
“kamu rikuh ga kalo berduaan sama saya seperti ini?”

udah.
Adegan dg pacarnya yang lain (Wulan Guritno) ga ada yg romantis. Termasuk adegan Gie dicium Wulan, ga romantis euy.. secara Gie nya dingin dan Wulannya agre gituh…

Mungkin Riri ngira smua orang udah tau siapa Gie. Jadi ga ngrasa penting menghadirkan sosok Gie yg utuh.

Yang lebih bingung lagi, di akhir crita Gie digambarkan sedang amat sangat kecewa lalu jalan seorang diri naik gunung tanpa persiapan, lalu mati di sana. Kesannya cari mati banget. Dan kerdil banget.
Padahal aslinya kan ga gitu.

Tapi setting nya emang keren banget si. Yah cukup dimanjakan lah mata. Trus Niko keren banget mainnya Jalannya aja udah kayak orang cina totok beneran.. kayak ngkoh-ngkoh di kampung naga... hehe...

Ini ada resensi yang gue setuju banget:
http://www.neopictures.com/website/article.php?sid=115

Is he in to me?

2005-07-25T18:43:00.000+07:00

Few weeks ago. On the way from yoga class with my thirty flirty and thriving friends...
We had a discussion about (what else?) man.
Oprah's show once invited a man writer. His book is "What He Means". He was a former play boy who finally found his soulmate.
His book is about his adventures and experience with women.

He wrote that men often say something he does not really mean. And women often misinterpret men's words and moves.
A caller from the show asked the author. "He is sweet to me. He sends me messages, says nice things, takes me out, and yet he never proposes to me. Is he in to me?"
He answered: No.

Caller #2 : He is a soccer player. He visited my town once. We had good time, great sex. He said he'd call. He did occasionally. He never visits me again. Is he in to me?
He answered: Definetely Not.

And more other callers. all with the wrong perception about their men.
I, too, start to think that he is not really in to me either...
Well, he calls, sends sms, says nice things, calls me darling/dear/honey, asks me to marry him... but he doesn't visit me (well he's in different town, but still..).

And he's married.

I know.. I'm stupid. I should never get into this from the first place. I keep saying this to myself: I'm not a family breaker. I'm not somebody else's lover.
The thing is, he makes me comfortable.
Oh boy.. why married men are so irresistable?

Anyway, Is he in to me?

inspiring tips

2005-07-25T18:26:00.000+07:00

Taken from Paulo Coelho's masterpiece:

when you want something so badly,
the whole universe will conspire to help you...

http://bookreviews.nabou.com/reviews/thealchemist.html

great does not mean good. c'mon, really?

2005-05-04T15:46:00.000+07:00

In business…
Sometimes we need to know the psychology of the business actor.
Those something you won’t find in school.
It’s something you earn by … uhm… observing.

Couple days ago, we had a presentation about project result to client.
Frankly speaking, it’s a rush job. It’s not a ‘well-furnished’ job.
It’s been delayed too, because of us being unprepared.
Anyway, the presentation went well.
They spotted our mistakes, but well.. that’s fine.
The client even said, “Thank you. It was a great job blah blah blah….”
Everything was fine then.
That, at least, what we thought…

My friend’s husband, however, disagreed that everything was fine.
He said, “She said ‘Great Job’ not ‘Good Job’. It’s not good then.”
What a strange analysis, I thought.
But apparently, he’s right.
The day after, my other friend who works for the client said that she (the client) was not satisfied. She spotted more mistakes after she took a better look of our result.

Well, we work on the revision now.
But, how in the world that my friend’s husband knew that “Great Job” is not “Good Job”?
He said that the project was great but we’re not doing it good.
So it’s not compliment at all.

Boy I still also need to work on my ‘consumer behaviour’ skill.

not just accessories

2005-04-07T18:30:00.000+07:00

Do you feel comfortable,
When in a group of three friends, you talk about something to one of them, while the other one knows nothing about it?
Do you feel comfortable, when that other someone looks mystified, and you don’t even bother to explain or, better yet, to stop that ‘inside’ discussion?

When you want to talk secret, do that privately.
When you don’t want others to know, don’t talk about it.
Heyy, that other person is a PERSON, not just accessories, you know…
Has ears, has eyes, has heart...

courtesy..courtesy…
does anyone know what that means nowadays?

feng shui

2005-02-04T18:13:00.000+07:00

I read from an email somewhere, about feng shui.
It’s said that our life and luck in this rooster year can be reflected on Feb 4, 2005.
So, whatever happens on Feb 4, will represent what your life be like the whole year.

Today is Feb 4.

Let’s see what I got so far…

In the morning, I have trouble waking up since I went to bed at 2 o’clock, trying to finish my teaching modul. Deadline.
Does that mean I will often face unmet deadlines this year?

I took ojek to go to the office. The ojek man was very ‘creative’ in avoiding traffic. I went through small kampongs with snake-like streets. I was so sure he was pushing his luck to find ways. Fortunately we did it.
So, this year I would have winding roads to get to my ‘destination’?

At the office, I have so much things to do with limitation of time. So many small matters that can’t be left behind. My ‘leadership’ was tested. I should have been able to delegate some of the load to others. I just couldn’t be stern. I don’t know how, people seem to always find excuses to avoid work. So I end up finishing it all myself.
I would have problems in sharing the workloads. Well, what else is new?

I have a lunch appointment. It’s the project me and my friend is trying to pursue. The team consists of ‘busy individuals’ but still feel optimistic in accomplishing the project.

On my way to the lunch meeting, I accidently met my ex boy friend.
It is the second time since last week. It is weird though, I can't say I like it bumping into my ex like that. Especially since we had unfavorable memory.

So, I guess this is a good sign for my life in 2005?

kok jadi beneran...?

2005-01-28T10:22:00.000+07:00

http://www.dejava.com/yogya/images/angkot.jpg/a">

www.dejava.com/yogya/images/angkot.jpg

uhm.. baru kemaren aku posting ttg 'nearly robbed experiences', taunya hari ini aku kecopetan beneran! (be te mode = on).
hari ini, sebelum ke kantor aku ke benhil dulu. sempet mau ke ATM di GKBI, taunya belum buka. nunggu bis AC yang lewat Thamrin, 10 menit ga lewat2. terus nanya ke orang, katanya Metro Mini 604 lewat. Ya udah, gw naik bis itu. Pas naik berasa si ada dua orang di depan yang berdiri, agak mepet ke gue. Jadi ga ngasih gue masuk ke tengah. Pikir gue, ya udah deh, toh deket juga tujuan gue. Terus di halte berikut, ada yang mau turun, dan bangkunya kosong. Pas gue mau duduk, mas yang di sebelah gue, yang dari tadi mepet, kok kayak menghalangi gue duduk, seolah mau nyerobot tempat duduk gue.
dia tanya, "mau turun, mbak?". gue sempet liat mukanya, sambil geleng.
(gue sempet liat mukanya, catet! ga ada tampang copet...)
gue urung untuk duduk, secara dia kayak mau duduk juga, taunya dia ga duduk juga. mbak yang duduk kasih kode ke gue untuk duduk. ya udah gue hempaskan badan biar duduk.
taunya mereka turun di dharmala, kolong bypass yg menuju casablanca.
mbak sebelah gue yang tadi kasih kode langsung bilang ke gue kalo mereka berdua copet. Dia bilang meeka langsung mepetin gue sejak gue naik. Gue berasa si. Tapi gue sempet meng'amankan' tas gue ke depan badan gue. Gue pikir mereka gagal nyopet gue...
tapi gue lirik juga tas gue (yang ritslitingnya masih rapet), HP ternyata masih ada. Fiuuuuhh... lega. Tapi.. eitsss.. paan ni? kok ujung tempat ristliting udah kebuka???
Loh dompet gue raib!! Dompet oleh-oleh dari Belanda, umurnya baru seminggu. uang si ga banyak, kartu2 nih harus gue urus: Credit Card, ATM, SIM, KTP, Membership Card, Discount Card ...
damn!!

Nearly robbed experiences

2005-01-27T11:30:00.000+07:00

Malang melintang di tengah hustle and bustle angkutan umum Jakarta, ternyata banyak juga pengalaman ‘nyaris kecopetan’ gue…

1. di kopaja 66 dari pasar festival menuju blok m
waktu itu abis meeting di daerah kuningan. Bos sekalian nitip tuker uang di money changer. Ya udah ke pasar festival dulu. Pulangnya pikir2 enakan baik bis ke blok m… secara gw jarang minta reimburse taksi, kan lebih irit naik bis…
naiklah gw ke kopaja 66 yang pas banget lagi ngetem. Ada mbak2 di depan, sama bapak2 yang badannya gede, bukannya duduk kok malah berdiri. Padahal ada kursi kosong di depan ga ada yang dudukin. Tau diri, gw juga ga duduk dong di kursi itu. Kursi sengketa ‘kali, pikir gue. Gw mau jalan ke tengah, tapi dihalangin sama bapak2 yg badannya gede itu, juga sama 2 atau 3 laki2 yang duduk di tengah.
Kata bapak2 tadi: Duduk aja mbak, di sini
Mas-mas di tengah: Iya, di depan aja, mbak.
Ternyata gw tuh jadi inceran mereka. Gw sempet ngerasa juga si secara bapak2 itu ngeliatin gue gimannaaaa.. gitu. Sempet kepikir mau turun aja. Tapi kalo mereka ikut turun, badannya gede2 lagi, bisa apa gue kalo diapa-apain di pinggir jalan? Sepi kan. Ya udah, diem aja sambil baca2 (doa pastinya). Ndalalah.. setelah gran melia, kok ujug2 kawanan copet itu turun semua. Ternyata di perempatan depan ada polisi. Setelah mereka turun, baru deh penumpang lain sebis riuh rendah. “Mbak, ga papa kan?” “Mbak tu diincer tadi sama mereka”. “Aduh saya sampe deg-degan.” Blah.. blah..blah…
Selamet lah gue. Kebayang kalo jadi dicopet, gw bakal nombokin uang kantor lumayan banyak ni jreng! Padahal gw naik bis biar irit… selamet… selamet…

2. di cawang abis turun bis P6
Ini lucu banget (‘lucu’ dalam sense yang ‘miris’). Gue kan baru turun bis, mau nyambung naik mikrolet. Ceritanya mau ke rumah temen gw yang di kali malang. Trayeknya dikasi tau temen gue. Gw belom pernah juga ngangkot ke sana. Tapi yah, ternyata jiwa petualang gw besar juga waktu itu. Waktu gw jalan mau ke tempat tunggu mikrolet, kok ya ada tangan rogoh2 tas gue, dibuka aja gitu retsletingnya.. Gue hardik dong, “Heh! Heh! Apaan nih?”
Copetnya cengar-cengir doang ne’. Ga berusaha nutupin muka kek, malu kek, marah kek, ngga! Nyengir, terus ngelenggang aja ninggalin gue. Lebih errornya lagi, pedagang asongan sekitar situ tuh pada ngeliat, tapi bukannya nolongin atau teriakin “copet…copet!”, malah cengar-cengir juga. Copetnya ga dapet apa-apa si. Ga bawa apa-apa juga gue, maklum mahasiswa (uhm, okay, sekarang mahasiswa pada gaya2, tapi waktu itu gw termasuk mahasiswa pas-pasan). Tapi kan tetep aja… be te, berasa diledekin juga ama tu copet. *gw rasa tu copet lagi ‘on the job training’, makanya orang2 pada nyengir semua. Dasar copet amatir!

3. di PPD 213
udah siang, nungguin bis AC ga lewat2. Terus lewat 213. Selama ini gw paling anti naik 213. Selain bisnya jelek, selalu penuh, panas, bau … denger2 di situ emang banyak copet. Tapi karena dah kesiangan, terpaksa naik juga. Ternyata di slipi yang naik segabruk… penuh banget akhirnya. Bumper to bumper. Sweat to sweat (uuuugghhh! blllurrrghhhh!). Di benhil gue mau turun, tapi susah banget mau lewat. Tau-tau ada yang menghardik di deket gue.
“Heh! Ngapain? Kamu copet ya?”, taunya tas gue tuh lagi coba digerayangin ama seseorang.
“Ngga, Pak.” Kata sang copet.
“Hah, pasti kamu copet. Saya perhatikan dari tadi. Itu tangan ngapain di situ?”
“Iya, nih. Dari tadi saya juga liatin. Matanya jelalatan dari tadi.’, sambung seorang mahasiwa.
“Saya ngga ngapa2in kok. Ini ga sengaja. Namanya juga penuh”, kata pencopet.
“Awas kamu!” kata bapak2, yang belakangan gue tau katanya polisi yang nyamar.
Pas gue turun, mahasiswa yang tadi ikut hardik ternyata juga turun. Dari tadi tu dia emang dirinya deket gue, jadi emang saksi kunci kalo gue tu diincer ama si copet.
“Ada yang dapet, Mbak? Coba dicek. Emang dari tadi tu gelagatnya udah aneh.”
Gue sibuk ngoprak2 tas gue sambl ngabsen barang berharga. Henpon? Ada. Dompet? Ada. Itu aja si. Gw ga yakin copet itu tertarik ama lipstick YSL gue, yang sebenernya mahal juga ne’!
“Ga ada kok, mas. Makasi ya!” kata gue. Itu mas mahasiswa dengan tekunnya nungguin sampe gue selesai ngoprak2 tas. Lumayan ganteng lagi (loh?? OOT)
“Untung bapak tadi tu polisi, makanya copetnya takut”
Ooo..
“Ya udah, ati-ati ya, mbak.”
“Makasi banyak, mas.”
terus mahasiswa itupun nyebrang. Anak Atma nih kayaknya. Sayang ga sempet kenalan. (soundtrack: O YA? dari K3S)

4. di angkot B03
yang ini mungkin prasangka gw aja. waktu itu gw baru punya henpon. Mahal buat ukuran gue. Keluaran baru. Tau-tau ada 4 cowok naik. Satu duduk pas sebelah gue, dua duduk di depan gue, satu duduk dekat pintu. Yang di sebelah gue tu pake jaket kulit. Tangannya dia masukin di balik jaket. Langsung dong imajinasi gue jalan… Ada apa ya di balik jaket? Pistol? Clurit? Jarum suntik?
Duh, deg-degan banget. Dalam hati gw baca ayat kursi berulang2. sambil mata gw melirik ngeri ke tangan di balik jaket. Gw kepengen turun aja. Gw mikir2 mau cari tempat turun yang aman. Idealnya kayaknya di mercu, karena pas depan pos satpam. Tapi keburu ga ya gw turun situ? Irama jantung bertempo allegro. Otak gw memaksa hati gw untuk tenang, dengan diiringi doa tentunya. Akhirnya gw bisa turun di mercu. Selamet. Ga jadi ditodong pistol. (padahal kali aja tu mas-mas orang baek2… tapi mbok ya jangan pake jaket kulit terus sembunyiin tangan di balik jaket dong! Iya kan…?)

Lesson learned:
- mending naik taksi daripada naik bis regular. Bukannya borju, tapi daripada bayar murah tapi beresiko kehilangan barang, jatuhnya malah jadi lebih mahal..
- ga usahlah dandan terlalu rapi atau terlalu gaya kalo naek bis. Toh probabilitas ketemu cowo baek dan keren di bus tipis. Jadi mending keliatan sederhana dan ga gaya. (itu repotnya. Paling ga bisa gue mati gaya. Mati kutu boleh deh… asal jangan mati gaya! :p)
- kalo mau naek bis juga, naek aja bis AC. Relative lebih aman. Dan kebanyakan ga himpit2an kayak bis regular. Emang cost nya mungkin lebih tinggi, tapi ‘opportunity cost ‘, ‘quality cost’ dan ‘dangerous level’ nya kan lebih rendah…
- kalo dalam posisi diincer copet, jangan gegabah. Misalnya langsung turun, padahal jalan sepi. Wah cari penyakit namanya. Biarpun orang Jakarta pada cuek, tapi masih mending deh daripada sepi. Kalo tempat rame kan copet biasanya ga mau sampe nyakitin. Ada beban moral juga thd public. Kalo sepi…. hiyyyy… Turun deket pos polisi ato sekolahan yang rame. Kalo tu copet turun juga, itu mah dia yang cari penyakit….
- Kalo ga ada pilihan, ya udahlah kasih aja barang berharga sama copet. Ga usah keras kepala dan sok jagoan. Kalo cuma diancem masi ga papa, tapi kalo dibacok? Diperkosa? Disuntik virus AIDS? (wah ini sih gossip jaman dulu, katanya ada orang iseng yang suka nularin AIDS di bis-bis). Rejeki kan sudah ada jatahnya...

the birds with the same feather...

2005-01-11T16:06:00.000+07:00

http://www.pmel.noaa.gov/foci/freeman/photo_graphics/pics/mf_3_30_2000/22-birds.jpg">
Girls night out last nite.
It’s the first time we met after several series of failed rendez-vous plan.
Well, we’ve been very busy.

About last night.
We discussed about ‘strategic plan 2005’.
To us, it’s kinda heavy. I mean, we used to chit chat over a plate of siomay, or tiredly sit over a glass of frappucino caramel after sale hunting in metro or sogo, or just wander around mall blabbering about our daily routine. Strategic Plan??
Phewwww!!

About strategic plan.
I said I still have ‘outstanding’ task : having a steady relationship.
It turned out that it’s also ‘outstanding’ task for them.
So our discussion slightly change. About man. Marriage, future, man, man.. and man.
Then we realize, since we’re together in this friendship, we haven’t had one single steady relationship. What happened? Is our togetherness makes us like this? Who brought the bad luck? Is it contagious? blah..blah..blah..
I said that it’s not our togetherness makes us this way. It’s more likely that this situation that bounds us.

We, the silly witty smart-look slightly-independence well-groomed young women, have been in the same boat for couple years.

Like they say..the birds with the same feather flock together.

maze books

2005-01-04T11:43:00.000+07:00

It was already midnight. Cinderella stopped dancing and ran abruptly. She left her shoe on the stairs. The prince was stunned. He stood there with his confused-looking eyes.

What would Prince Charming do?

-------------> If the prince ran after Cinderella, go to page 53
-------------> If the prince took the shoe then weep, go to page 68.

Have you read a maze book? It’s the kinda book that gives you choices on what to do next at the end of each scene. One scene leads you to another choices, and one choice put you in a certain scene, and so forth. I read some when I was younger. I remember one of them called “Looking for Atlantis”. I don’t remember if I ever found the Atlantis on that book. I guess I quit before I finish going through all options.

Come to think of it, life is like a maze book. It’s full of choices (only we can’t just quit).
When your alarm beep in the morning, you have choices whether to get up or to reset your alarm 10 more minutes. If you decide to get up, you could choose to take a bath or make yourself a cup of coffee.
One choice leads you to another choices…
Example:
Waiter : Would you like a cup of coffee or tea, ma’am?
Guest : Coffee, please
Waiter : Do you prefer black coffee or white?
Guest : Black, please.
Waiter : Sweetened or Unsweetened?
Guest : Sweetened.
Waiter : One spoon or two spoons?
Guest : (sigh) Two please.
Waiter : Diet sugar or regular sugar?
Guest : GO FIGURE! NOW MY TURN.
WILL YOU SERVE MY COFFEE NOW OR NEVER???

Uhm.. well, you got my point… choices! We always face choices. So when someone say “I have no choice” , that sounds so hyperbolic, don’t you think?

So some people choose to give donation to whoever and whenever in needs, some others choose to give donation to certain community. Some people choose to declare their donation to public, some others prefer stay anonymous.
Let them be. No need to condemn or praise them.
The difference is that, they will face different scene and different options, later on.
Like in the maze book.

page 53
“Cinderella, wait! You left your shoe!”, Prince charming ran after Cinderella.
“Oo my prince! Thank you. My feet hurts and feels so cold. And it’s my precious Manolo Blahnik shoe!! You save my life, my dear Prince!!”, Cinderella exclaimed.
Hugged.
Kissed…
And they live happily ever after….
.

Errrrgggghhh!!

2005-01-03T16:34:00.000+07:00

I consider myself quite unorganized, in terms that my closet and my room and my desk are not quite tidy (well.. I believe you, yes you, are the same).
But I do have plan, or target or priority.
Unlike a dear friend of mine…

I really don’t understand the way she thinks regarding her study. I graduated three semesters ago. But she kept postponing doing her thesis and blamed it to her load of works. That, I can understand. But then, during her leave, instead of doing her thesis, she chose to go abroad or play the Sims on her computer. Errgghh!
(I know I’m acting like her mother… Wish I could ground her, that naughty lazy child!)

She’s been having the hard times dealing with the administration in campus because of her tardiness on paying the tuition. By the way, it was I who reminded her about the tuition. It was I who called campus asking about deadline of payment and deadline of thesis. She was just so ignorance. Errrggghhh!

She was supposed to finish her thesis end of October. Otherwise she would have to drop out. I urged her to meet her professor and Mbak Nunuk, our dear friend who is very clever in research metodology. I even did her questionnaire. Thank God the submission of thesis has been delayed. But that made her slower her paced too. Errrrgggghhhh!
(Do you think I worry too much?)

So she finally submitted her thesis on twenty something December, but it was not quite completed. The statistic part, the scariest and the most easy-to-detect-mistakes part, was not completed. She promised to finish it, and study about it. And she was scheduled to present her thesis on January 6th.
I offered to help her get prepared on New Year’s holiday.
But she asked me to go to Peabo Bryson concert instead. Errrrgggghhhhh!!

Then she SMS me to accompany her to go to Mbak Nunuk regarding her statistics. I agreed. But the day I was supposed to accompany her, she sms me again, informing that she couldn’t go because her relatives wanted to introduce her to someone.
Errrrggghhhhhhhh!!!

She just could not set her priority.D’oh…

precious three seconds moment

2004-12-07T17:57:00.000+07:00

I have one question.
This never occured to me before.
But, well, under this circumstances, I can’t help but wondering.

What would you say to the President of Republic of Indonesia if you get a chance to shake hands with him?

Oh… put that smiling face off of you! No kidding. I mean it.

I was at the State Palace last Friday (I know, I sound so important, huh?) on the commemorating of World AIDS Day. My office sponsored the event.
So we had a chance to shake hands with the president. On this rare precious (oww please!) opportunity, what would you say?

should I talk about SBY 100 days program?
about poverty?
poor mode of transportation?
HIV prevalence?

It’s only 3 seconds face to face moment, so the photographer could take your pictures.
(and I made sure they did not miss, hehe..).

Know what I said?
"Thank you"

For what??? Yeah… I’m not sure.
It just slipped my mouth.

So you’d better start thinking on what would you say, in case someday you have that precious three seconds. *grin

anak-anak bergincu

2004-12-07T17:28:00.000+07:00

http://www.prixextraawards.com/awards/ps_m_le-sida-tue-encore.gif"/a> I finally got a chance to watch this play.
“Anak-anak Bergincu” by Bandung Wangi.
We couldn’t make them perform in State Palace on the commemoration of World AIDS Day, the protocol regulation was rigid. But we managed to make them perform on the Seminar on HIV/AIDS.

You see, the story was based on true story. It’s about young girls who were forced to work and sold by their bloody father! Yup, you heard me, their own bloody father!
They were told to be working as waitress. But they became sex workers instead.
Their fathers will come and collect the money from the pimp.
They must watch their back from ‘razia’. The police would put then in jail.

The play was funny. The words were witty. But it’s a tear-dropping, heart –breaking story.

Here’s the lyrics I remember from their song:
Kami tak mau hidup begini
harus terus berlari
Kalau ketangkap masuk bui
Si boss menebus dan dipotong gaji.

something tickes in your heart? or it's just me?

inspiring quot

2004-11-26T16:06:00.000+07:00

This is taken from Arthur Golden's book "Memoirs of a Geisha", quot from
Laksamana Yamamoto.
" I'm not trying to defeat the man. It's his self-confidence that I'm conquering,
and the rest will follow. Once one's self-confidence shakes, one can not focus to victory".

what a genious!
and it works a miracle...
I'll tell you all about it later. right now, i'm still dumbfounded how that words can really explain what just happened...

bye alson . . .

2004-11-22T13:29:00.000+07:00

Good men are always taken

that's the quot I used to say as I joke.
you know, when I got a crush on a man, then I found out that he's married.
well, girl stuff.

but now, that quot means a lot deeper.
sadder.

alson.
he died this morning. cancer.

he was such a nice friend.
he was mad when someone hurt me.
he warned me when I was about to fall.
he pushed me up when I fell (and not even blaming me for ignoring his warning).
he jeopardized himself for my sake.

what did he ask for return?
none.

he's the example of a true friend.
he's a good man.
and now... he's taken.

God took him away, put him in a better place.
may God rest his soul.
may his wife and his two little angels have the strenght to face it.

Good bye, Alson.

shut your heart?

2004-11-18T09:13:00.000+07:00

"you can close your eyes to things you refuse to see..
but u can`t close your heart to things u refuse to feel.."`

damn right, isn't it?

yesterday I got bad messages, from a friend. ex-friend, now after the mean things he said to me. Such a mystifying messages, coming from a prominent person, a role model of good attittude and intellectual. a lecturer.

well, it happened after he sent me message. an ordinary one during Eidul Fithr. you know... minal aidin and stuff. but, as always, he preached.
I dont like he's preaching me. Now that I observe that he doesn't always do what he says. I am the 'action speaks louder than words' kind a girl. All the talk is cheap.
He, as I observe, is 'no-action-talk-only' kind a guy.

so, as a friend, I reminded him about the promise he made. The promises that I am sure he didn't mean saying it.

so I replied his message:
"please forgive me too. but a promise is a promise. one still owe it until he fulfill it."

actually, he didn't promise me the world or anything. only simple things. I just hate how easy he made promise and took for granted that someone would remember it. maybe even, expected it.
and THAT- the message I want him to get: don't say things you don't mean. you have no idea how it might affect people.

apparently, the my-promise-reminder activated his furious mode. must be something he ate! I don't see any words that might make one feel offended, do you?
in short, there he went, flooding me with his full of preach and condemn sms. It got to my nerves, eventually. I dont see any relation my-promise-reminder with my educational background (which he said a 'waste' because I don't act like S2 graduated. and how exactly an S2 graduated should act anyway? Men often feel offended or threathened with women's degree. but this is too much!), my name (he said I was not entitled to hold a name 'fitri' and that I should change my name. his name is ahmad by the way, which in Arabic sort of means 'trustable'. yeah right!!) and words he took from a mule (don't look at me! I don't know what that means either...)

so I stopped replying his sms. later on, I stopped reading it. I erased it once I got it. there's no point.
but I felt . . . awful. discouraged.
If he beats me, I could beat him back. but if he says bad things, It goes through my heart without filter. without shields. even if I reply saying bad things, it won't make my heart any better, like the satisfying feeling when you strike someone.

I could shut my eyes and my ears, but I can't shut my heart.

ps. Did I mention that he is S3 graduated? well, he is. from abroad, too.
pps. In case you're wondering- No, I don't have love affair with him. ;)

the thing about temporary job . . .

2004-11-12T15:42:00.000+07:00

fiuuuuuh...
three weeks now.
and my boss still irritates me and makes me nervous...

the thing about replacing someone in temporary manner
is that she would never transfer all her knowledge to you!
why?
because she needs to feel (and make sure) that she is needed,
that people (in this case, specifically my boss) depend on her,
that live without her is a living hell.
at least that what my predecessor did.

she missed telling me the things I need to know
so when my boss asked me this this this...
the best answer I could give her is: let me find out. i'll get back to you later.
and my boss got "hhrrrrr.. I need it nnnnooowww.. I mean nnooowwww..."
well, sort of...

and... AND
she (my predecessor) gave me wrong information.
misleaded.
that's okay... it only costs me a shorten-than-it-should-be vacation, several additional lines on my forehead, several hair fell, several headache, long lasting influenza (well, it IS related, because I had less rest).

it almost activated my 'frustration' mode.

but, really it's okay....
(errr, you can't see my nasty look, can you?)

virus

2004-11-05T13:04:00.000+07:00

Jadi deh nih, gue sakit. Dari kemaren dah digeber CDR, trus Decolgen.
Tapi tadi di bis ada ibu-ibu batuk. Batuk asik aja gitu, ga pake tutup mulut.
Mana bis AC lagi, makin gatel kali ya tenggorokannya.
Pas kondektur nagih ongkos trus gue nengok, batuklah dia pas di depan muka gue
Abis itu si gue berpaling, ngebelakangin dia.
Tapi namanya tu bis penuh banget, ya ga nolong juga.

Kondektur : (towel towel)
Gue : nengok
Ibu-ibu : uhuk.. uhuk..
Gue : (kaget, mendelik, berpaling, mendengus sambil nyari ongkos)
Ni bang (ngasi duit ke kondektur tanpa berpaling)
Kondektur : ih somse deh!

Harusnya ada peraturan yang mengatur pencegahan penyebaran virus di tempat umum, misalnya bagi yang lagi flu harus pake masker atau harus bawa masker buat dibag-bagiin ke publik di sekitar dia.. Itu usul ke komisi berapa ya di DPR?)

di kantor. Taunya ada meeting kecil. Gue duduk di sebelah bos gue.
Taunya dia lagi fileggg.
Ya udah deh, makin riang gembira deh tu virus di badan gue dapat supply batalyon baru.

Jenderal virus : berita gembira kawan-kawan. Kita akan mendapat bala bantuan
dari negara Ingusitis. Baru saja mereka membersinkan diri untuk
memperkuat pasukan kita. Mari kita sambut mereka dan buat mereka merasa seperti di rumah sendiri. Sejauh mana persiapan kita, Kapten?
Kapten virus : Para musuh dari kerajaan afetaminophen sudah dibekuk, Capt!
Begitu juga penyusup dari organisasi multivitamin. Petugas Keamanan local. Yaitu Datasemen Antibodi juga sudah dilumpuhkan.
Jenderal virus : bagus, Capt! Mari kita sambut tamu kita.
(beberapa saat kemudian)
Jenderal virus : selamat datang, saudaraku! Semoga kalian mengalami ‘lemparan bersin’yang
menyenangkan.
Virus pendatang : Tentu la hay. Bersinnya lumayan keras lho boouw…
Kita mulai aja misi kita ya ‘nek …

Trus, here I am, depan compie, meler!
Bersin2. batuk2. pusing2.
Mana AC di tempat gue (tepatnya, di tempat duduk gue) dingin banget,
karena pas di bawah lubang AC.

Coba aja, besok atau lusa, suara gue pasti ilang.
Jenderal virus : Hallo, headquarter. Mission accomplished. I repeat: Mission
accomplished. Wait for next command. Roger and out.

mourn = flu

2004-10-29T08:05:00.000+07:00

sakit flu itu ga akan sembuh
virusnya tak akan terobati
hanya bisa 'dijinakkan'
suatu saat bisa kambuh lagi.

kehilangan seseorang yang dicinta
itu seperti virus.
tak terobati
suatu waktu suka kambuh.

lagi seneng ceria gembira biasa aja
tiba-tiba... ouccchh!
dadaku terasa sakit.
inget papa.
kangen papa.

'flu' ku lagi kambuh.

nraktir

2004-10-22T19:13:00.000+07:00

selasa
sms untuk cq, sarah, yuli, muti, dimel, yudi.
"Guys, ngumpul yuk hari kamis.
sambil buka puasa bareng. tante yang bayarrrr deeeehhh..."

selasa, rabu, kamis .... ga ada komen.

kamis pagi
"jangan lupa ya, nanti kumpul2, jam 17.30, di satay house (sate khas) Senayan
yang di Menteng (sblh Rapico)."

5 menit kemudian
cq: "Ok"

sampe siang cuma cq yang bales, terlalu.

kamis sore, ultimatum time!
"gue udah reservasi untuk 8 orang. AWAS kalo ga dateng!!"

5, 10, 12 dan 15 menit kemudian
dimel: "gue pasti dateng"

muti: "gue dateng telat..."

sarah: "oke fit, TQ"

yuli: "aku ga dateng, iwank mau ke agensi. ga bisa nganterin"

kamis maghrib.
"cq lu dmn? gw dah di sini. buruan!!
kadonya ga usyah dibungkus ;) "

duh, mau nraktir aja repot banget.
mau berbuat baek aja susah..... blllrrrrrrbbbbb!!

arti kedutan

2004-10-22T18:42:00.000+07:00

kedutan.
katanya kalo di mata bagian bawah, pertanda jelek.
di mata bagian atas, pertanda bagus.
tahayul?
maybe yes, maybe not.
empat hari lalu, bangun tidur, mata kiri bagian atas kedutan.
seru bener kedutannya.
sampe gue pegangin pake tangan aja masi kerasa banget kedutannya.
di bagian atas siiih, pertanda baik biasanya.
tapi sebelah kiri, ngaruh ga ya?

eniwei, ga lama setelah itu, ada telpon.
ternyata panggilan kerja.
baru dua minggu nganggur. dah ada tawaran.
dari agensi internasional lagi, yang gajinya... wlurrrrrppp!
menggiurkan.

lucunya abis telpon itu, ga lama ada telpon lagi.
dari agensi yang sama tapi proyek beda.
jadi critanya gue kandidat untuk dua posisi itu.
dan dua2 nya udah pasti diterima.
tinggal gue aja milih.
enak ya?

rejeki bulan ramadhan. alhamdulillah.
walopun temp.
mayan lah.
who knows nanti gue dapet kedutan lagi untuk posisi yang lebih baik,
atau posisi yang permanen.
kedutan?
bukan sirik, tapi kali aja emang itu 'clue' dari Tuhan.
believe it or not deh!

tribute to good friends

2004-10-06T20:19:00.000+07:00

I am surrounded by good friends
lucky me!
looking back, I've always had friends who lifted me up when I was down
stood by for me
i didn't even realized that, sometimes.

I remember icus & nantha
they accompanied me to get guardian
I remember toro
he came running when I was in trouble
I remember adi
cheered me up and soothed me
I remember alson
he seek the truth for me
I remember schubert
never tired of listening
I remember alin
my number one defender
I remember many more..
and more..
and more to come (I hope)

boy,
what have I done to them?
me silly!

in the wee hour 4 august 2004

2004-10-06T20:07:00.000+07:00

ouwww my heart
felt so heavy
glimps of memories
took turns like photo slide

I sighed.
apparantly, it activated tear gland
my eyes started to blur
that lost still there

duh, papa!
hold my heart
count its beat
I miss you that much!

si boss ada-ada aja ih...

2004-09-29T14:27:00.000+07:00

Boss: coba cari daftar nama-nama Bupati yang kemaren milih SBY
Gue : (bingung, tapi merasa bukan orang kedua tunggal, jadi diem ajah)
Lusty: kan pemilu rahasia Pak… gimana taunya mereka pilih siapa.
Gue, Wenny, Lusty : (ketawa-tawa sambil berpandangan)
Boss: Cari tau deh, kita mau kirimin surat satu-satu.
Gue : Buat apa pak? (just can't resist)
Boss: Ngucapin selamet SBY telah menang di daerah dia, sekalian kita tawarin buat bikin profil daerah dia. Coba dicari deh!

Pertanyaan:
1. Kalopun di kabupatennya yang menang SBY, apa iya Bupatinya pasti milih SBY?
2. Kenapa Bupati yang kemaren milih SBY yang ditawarin?
3. Ngapain ngucapin selamet kalo SBY menang? Kita toh bukan tim suksesnya…

suka ada-ada aja si Boss!

reverse psychology

2004-09-22T18:00:00.000+07:00

“Gue gimana? Oke kan? Ga malu-maluin kan? Aduh, lagi bad hair day lagi!”

It’s fifty times she asked those similar tone questions. And I’ve poured her with one hundred sixty three times morale booster comments, like: You look awesome. You’re a knock-out. Perfecto. Irresistable. Yummy (okay, I know I was too much!).

“Aduh gw kayak bangun tidur ya? Mata gue sembab banget. Tengsin deh gue. ”

We were two blocks away from the meeting point, about five minutes away. After 35 minutes journey, one hour preparation and forty five minutes ‘should-I-go’ discussion session.

“Ah, gw ga pede niiy. Gue bakal malu-maluin diri sendiri aja.”

This is the time when I’m supposed to cheer her up, encourage her.
But man, couldn’t she get enough?

“Kita pulang aja yuk….”

WHATTT?? After all the morale booster I gave?
That’s it! She’s got to has it!

“You’re right. You look awful. We’d better go home”. I said, unexpectedly.

“What? You’re joking, right?”, she asked disbelievingly.

“ No, seriously. You can’t meet him like this. You’ll be a clown. Public laugh. He will despise you”

“ How could you say that? Why you didn’t tell me before?”, she exclaimed.
I gave her ‘there’s nothing else I could do about it’ look.

“ You said I look awesome. A Knock Out. Two Thumbs Up. Now suddenly you said that I’m ugly? That I’m not good enough for him? Is that what you mean?”, look irritated, she sat back on the driver seat.

I sighed. We’re in parking lot.

“Beside, who does he think he is? Prince of Denmark? Ho-ho! Even if he is, he can’t treat me like that! He might be beautiful, but I’m not that bad either.”, there she went, begun to come to her senses.

“I mean, look at me! I’m not bad at all! I could make all men turn their head twice at me! Just watch me.”

“Let’s go! It’s show time.”, she said, gave the last glance to the mirror. Look self-satisfied.

Well, well… whaddaya know?
reverse psychology always works!

Don Corleone

2004-09-17T20:14:00.000+07:00

Mendelssohn
Violin Concerto in E Minor.
Dari mulai solo violist gesek biolanya, gue seperti berada di jamannya Don Corleone.
Yap! The Godfather.
Gue tu seperti lagi berada di ruang tengah keluarga Corleone itu, dengan suasana serba putih, terang, tapi ga tau kenapa, terasa shabby.
Gue denger suara musik di kebun belakang. Pasti paman Corleone buat pesta lagi.
Gue seperti ngeliat diri gue berjalan ke kebun, musik semakin jelas, Don Corleone menyapaku, cium pipi, terus menyuruhku menikmati pesta. Bau pasta dan daging merebak kemana-mana.
Kelebatan adegan di film Godfather silih berganti di otakku. Sudut-sudut jalanan. Tembak-tembakan. Orang sembunyi di balik pintu. Perempuan-perempuan dalam gaun pesta. Orang-orang berdansa.

Mendelssohn. Romantis banget dah!

Dari dulu tu gue selalu nganggep film Godfather tu film romantis.

orchestra

2004-09-17T20:00:00.000+07:00

Mungkin ga si kalo kita tu ngerasa nyaman di crowd yang kita ga kenal?
Agak aneh ya?

Contoh satu:
Loe ke pesta, dress up to the nine, sendirian. Sampe sana ga ada yang loe kenal. Dan semua orang sudah nyaman dengan kelompok masing-masing. Loe dicuekkin. Males kan?

Contoh dua:
Ke bioskop, film seru, sendirian. Di sana banyak orang pacaran, gerombolan, dang a ada temen loe satu juga. Film mulai, loe ga bisa ngobrol kalo ada bagian yang loe ga denger jelas, ga bisa minta popcorn, garing deh!

Tapi beda kalo nonton orchestra sendirian.
Weitttsss.. bukan sok borju. Cuman, kebetulan aja kemaren dapet gratisan huehehe…
Kemaren si aku ga sendirian. Sama temen-temen.
Kalo konser begitu, sendirian malah lebih enak. Lebih enjoy.
Loe ga harus pura-pura ngerti musik klasik kok. Kebanyakan mereka juga ga pada ngarti hahaha…

Loe tu seperti tenggelam dalam alam pikiran loe sendiri.
Terlepas dari orchestra-nya ada kekurangan di sana-sini,
tapi aku menikmati kok.

resign

2004-09-14T17:12:00.000+07:00

hmmm... for some people, it might be a careless decision, to resign from work these days.
especially when you haven't had another job.
I was one of them.
until now.

I will resign from my work.
I have prepared the letter.
just try to find the right time (which is rather difficult, since my boss is rarely around)
but I will.
today or tomorrow.

thought that rizqi has already been allocated.

Mars

2004-09-07T09:45:00.000+07:00

I am quite positive
that 'sense of direction' has something to do with Mars and Venus.
also driving skill.
diving skill.
physics.

things that I'm not good at
I blame it to Mars!

so he thinks I'm not good enough...

2004-09-02T12:36:00.000+07:00

well, ok.. I'm not very good.
it's quite normal I guess.. I've been vacuum for so long.
but that means I need more practice.
I need more encouragement.
don't you think?

not like this.
he discouraged me.
he tried to push me away
(as if i don't belong to that group of great people)

well, ok.. I got his point.
so... what I need to do is
prove that I can do it without him.
if he thinks I'm not good enough
and that he gives up
he shall see the real me!
not soon maybe,
but I will be good.
great.
awesome.

he'll see.

slide finger

2004-08-09T19:37:00.000+07:00

does holding hands mean anything to you?
nope?
I might agree.

how bout, holding hands with his fingers slide into yours?

lebih nyetrum yeee???
hueheheee...

bisnis tu... ga kenal sodara

2004-08-02T17:26:00.000+07:00

Sori kali ini agak serius.

Tanggal 4 agustus ini, tepat setahun papaku pergi. Satu hal tentang papa, dia ga terbuka tentang segala bisnisnya pada keluarga. Mungkin karena dia ga mau memusingkan kami. Jadi banyak hal ttg angkot misalnya yang kami ga tau. Yang kami tau, semua sekarang diurus adek papa. Tapi adek papa tu kayaknya ga terus terang dan nutup2in tentang semua hal. Padahal kita kan ahli warisnya…
Sikapnya itu membuat kita ga bisa nahan untuk berprasangka buruk. Seolah dia mau nguasain dan ambil alih semua. Dan memang kecenderungan itu dah keliatan sebulan sejak Papa meninggal. Tapi, ya tanah aja papa masih merah, kita ga mau ribut.
Ternyata semakin ke sini dia semakin ga bener. Belakangan ketauan kalo asset papa yang kini otomatis jatuh ke anak2-nya, udah dia agunin. Tanpa bilang kita. Boro-boro minta ijin. Bahkan dia sempet pindah rumah tanpa ngasi tau, telpon diganti, seperti ga mau kelacak. Coba tuh!
Lucunya, pas kita minta penjelasan dan pertanggungjawaban dia, dia malah mengaku bahwa asset itu semua adalah milik dia. Bahwa papa udah nyerahin itu semua ke dia. Parahnya lagi, dia emang megang semua surat-surat penting. Karena waktu papa masih ada, memang dia diserahin untuk ngurus masalah cicilan, setoran bank dll. But there’s no way papa handed over all to him. No way! Karena dua hari sebelum papa pergi, papa masih ngontrol dan minta setoran ke dia. Dan beberapa waktu sebelumnya, kita sekeluarga pernah ngebahas tentang itu. Papa tegasin kok kalo bisnis itu untuk biaya sekolah adek-adek.
Masa tau-tau itu jadi milik dia, hanya karena dia pegang smua suratnya? Lucunya dia bilang sama adek gue, kalo dia tetap akan bantu sekolah adek gue. Bantu? Man, those are ours! We don’t ask for pitty. We just want our right for God’s sake! Kok tega-teganya si dia? Ambil hartanya anak yatim bukannya dilarang agama? Mau ke kyai manapun, biar pengadilan akan berpihak pada dia, tep aja itu bukan hak dia. Ga akan berkah bukan rejekinya dan keluarga yang dihidupinya? Anyway, business emang ga kenal sodara ya?

kecoa

2004-07-29T17:44:00.000+07:00

gue percaya setiap makhluk punya misi khusus di dunia ini.
paling ngga, pasti ada gunanya bagi makhluk lain.
manusia misalnya, misinya sebagai khalifah di dunia ini.
anjing misalnya, berguna sebagai teman manusia, menjaga manusia, mengusir kucing garong
kucing, menakuti tikus dan burung kenari (saaaah... twitty banget!)
tikus, walopun musuh petani tapi katanya buntutnya bisa jadi alternatif obat kanker.
dst... dst...

ada yang tau apa misi atau fungsi kecoa di dunia ini?

pertama, dia makhluk yang bentuknya menyeramkan.
lebih lagi, menjijikkan.
terus, dia tu suka nyosor. kalo kita coba menghindar, eh, dia malah nyamperin. blurggghhhhh!
trus dia suka iseng gitu terbang-terbang, ga ketauan mau mendarat dmn, bikin panik aja.
parahnya lagi, kalo pas gelap-gelap kita ga ngeh, tau-tau . . . krekkkkkk!
badannya yang crunchy itu terasa di telapak kaki, garing-garing basah gitu dengan lendir yang croooottt aja keluar dari badannya.

yup! disgusting!
*shiver*

tinggal gue aja yang abis itu melakukan tarian minta hujan orang indian, yang gue ga sadar pernah bisa, ditingkahi teriakan-teriakan histeris yang buat kaget seisi rumah.

apa itu misi kecoa di dunia ini?

agak ga terpuji si nurut gue. . .

Surpise Cake

2004-07-19T17:11:00.000+07:00

Today is my mother's birthday.
I’ve been thinking to send her a cake.
A little surprise cake.
A chocolate mocha cream cake with chocolate mouse topping.
Slurrrppppp…
yummy!

I talked to my three brothers about my plan.
I talked to them separately, in whisper.
(ssshhhhh… it’s a secret. Mom’s supposed to know nothin’)
My brothers were all excited about the surprise plan, and about eating the cake, but not in SHARING the BILL. Bluurrrrrrrggghhhh… brothers!

So we agreed in surprise cake project.
I ordered the cake from Dapur Coklat and asked them to deliver it at 19.00 (so everybody will be home already. And I will be home to take the bill).

Simple plan.


Do you think anything could go wrong?

It’s not a big party.
It's just a cake we expect to come at 7 pm, then we slice it, and eat it.
Everybody’s happy.

Except. . .

The cake was delivered at 12.00 noon.

While I wasn’t home.

And my mother was home.

I couldn’t pay the bill.

So my mom paid the bill.

I complained to Dapur Coklat.

They were sorry.

But my mom has paid the bill.

So much for surprise cake!!!

SAY NO TO SHOPPING

2004-07-13T18:06:00.000+07:00

Sms received from a friend:

Ntar loe bisa cabut ga? Ke PS yuk…

Uhm… frankly I don’t feel like going. It’s a dangerous place.
It makes you blind by all the clothes, and shoes and sale.. and all the people who dressed up to the nine...
Really, it's a dangerous place.
It makes you go KALAP! (uhm... how do you say that.. Totally Uncontrollable?)
It’s my headquarter, though. Kantor Pusat.
That's the joke we say when we come there too often.

Last time I went there, I bought swim suit, t-shirt, tank top, earrings..
I know those will be at use someday!
Before that, I bought a blouse and bra.
I was sure those would be at use, too
someday…

Those happened quite a while, though.
While I was sooo much younger then...
(actually it was a week ago! But it is quite a while, I can assure you, considering I used to go there 2-3 times a week)

Anyway... today I don’t feel like going.
I don’t feel very well (I think I got symptoms of office sickness, you know, my back hurts, my shoulder hurts, my neck hurts… and I feel like having a good massage… creambath, perhaps?)
Beside, I have many personal things to do (like posting blogs, check friendster, apply job on-line, YM... and other small thing like washing and ironing my clothes...)
I also have to manage my cash flow. This sale season is really getting on my nerves. And I am quite helpless… *sigh*
And… (this is the most important part) I don’t dress appropriately to go there.

This is PS we’re talking about. A place to see and to be seen!
What if I meet the prospective people (for business, of course…for love too..) and he sees me not at my best?
What if I meet my ex boyfriend and he doesn’t see me at my best? Uuggghhhhhhh… no way! Or worse, what if I meet my ex boyfriend’s girlfriend and she sees me not at my best? Ah-ah! I can't manage to give her that pleasure!

The possibility is so scary.
*shiver*

In conclusion, I have many reasons not to go, don’t you think?
Now I made up my mind, it leaves only one problem:
How am I gonna tell my friend?

You see, I am having trouble saying no.
I hate disappointing people.
But, obviously I can’t tell her all the reasons I just tell you.
She’d think I am over-reacting.
And she would convince me that everything’s gonna be fine.
And I am quite helpless, remember?

Beside, my reasons would be too long for short message services.

So, instead I replied to her:
Ga. Gw ada rapat jam 5.

That seems smooth. Meeting at 5, continue with dinner at 7, finish at least at 8. Too late for shopping.
I just say no to shopping!

tanya jawab cinta

2004-07-13T12:09:00.000+07:00

Tanyaku pada langit
Dimana sebenarnya cinta ada
Jawab langit kepadaku
Ada di dasar hatimu

Tanyaku pada mentari
Mengapa ada dusta dalam cinta
Jawab mentari kepadaku
Itu bukan cinta, sebab cinta itu kejujuran

Tanyaku pada siang
Mengapa cinta terkadang perih
Jawab siang kepadaku
Sebab kau tak pernah dapat memegang kendali cinta yang diluar
kehendakmu

Tanyaku pada daun
Mengapa airmata selalu mengiringi cinta
Jawab daun kepadaku
Airmata mengalir dari hati, tempat cinta bersanding dan ia akan terus disana

Tanyaku pada angin
Mengapa rindu dalam cinta sangat menyakitkan
Jawab angin kepadaku
Karena cinta mengisi jiwa dan hati bagai udara segar penuh wangi keindahan, dan ketika cinta menghilang nafas jiwamupun
tersengal mengibahnya

Tanyaku pada malam
Dapatkah cinta tinggal selamanya tanpa pernah pergi
Jawab malam kepadaku
Cinta tidak datang untuk pergi, namun cinta tidak datang untuk tinggal

(Jude)

what is it with man...?

2004-07-08T16:47:00.000+07:00

what is it with man and his female best friend?
He said he cares for her, feels comfortable with her, doesn't mind to talk about almost anything w/ her, he even flirts w/ her, makes her feel flattered.
but..

he just wont make her his girl friend.
he wont date her.

ring a bell, girls?

ring a bell, guys?

He keeps complaining about his love life to his nice patient understanding female best friend.
How he must take her girlfriend and pick her up everywhere.
How he feels she manipulates his time.
How he feels his privacy invaded.

he goes on dating a demanding selfish spoiled baby possessif girl he keeps on complaining.

she (that nice patient understanding female friend) just has to be satisfied being a cheer-up buddy for a man she's been fond of.

what is it with man?

french

2004-07-01T17:07:00.000+07:00

L'amour n'est pas 'parce-que'
mais 'malgre'. . .

The Past

2004-07-01T17:05:00.000+07:00

I was wrong when I hurt you
Do you have to hurt me too?
Do you think revenge can make things better?
(The Past, Ray Parker Jr.)

fur p,
ca vait long temps.
je suis tres disolee, pardonne moi!

fur m,
J’ai fait tous parce que j’etais tres triste sans toi.
J’espere tu peux me pardonne.

s l o w m o t i o n

2004-06-25T13:10:00.000+07:00

I bet you’ve experience this:
A chop of your life, that keeps playing on your mind.
On and on, in slow motion.
You didn’t know that on that few second, the hidden camera on your brain was in active mode.
You wouldn’t have thought, that your mind will replay that few second over and over.
But this time, in slow motion.

Years go by.
You still can picture that few second, still in slow motion.

Me, I have this kind of experience.
A few second of my life, freeze on my mind.
I still can view it, clearly.
The way he moved..
the way I turned my head..
the way wind played with his hair..
the way he forced a shy smile..
the way my heart pounded..
the way the crowd cheered..

In reality, it was just a few second.
In my slow motion replay, it goes much longer,
depends on the memory mode I choose.

Trilogy: Gaptek 2

2004-06-17T08:15:00.000+07:00

"Okay, class. Masih inget kan minggu lalu kita sudah ngebahas tentang perkembangan teknologi komputer dan internet."
(I approach the OHP, handling my slide)

"Sebagaimana kalian tau, bahwa ngomongin internet ga lepas dari komputer. Bahkan kini komputer pun ga lengkap kalo ga ada fasilitas internet."
(They have brand new OHP. Looks nice. Looks sophisticated. Looks ow-please-God-help-me )

"Kalau kalian perhatikan, saat ini kita bisa mengirimkan gambar, lagu bahkan film lewat internet, yang sangat sulit dilakukan beberapa tahun lalu."
(uhmmm... how to turn this thing on?)

"Ini terjadi karena infrastruktur yang ada . ."
(switch the button? Done. How about this button? what the hell, just push. nothing happen. This button? Nope.)

". . kini terus dikembangkan dan semakin maju"
(calm...calm... don't show your confuseness. everything's gonna be fine. piece of cake!)

"Jadi hari ini kita . ."
(ouw! I pushed all button that this thing has. Huccome it wouldn't start?? help... mayday mayday!)

". . akan membahas tentang "Infrastruktur Komunikasi""
(usually, by the time I mention the topic of the day, the slide shows on the board. Taddaaaaaa... Tapi kali ini.. oh, well. Can't hide this confused look anymore.)

"Ada yang tau cara nyalain alat ini?"
(duh! dosen teknologi komunikasi nih? nyalain ohp aja ga bisa... *blushing*)

A student came forward, took the cable, put the socket into the wall. Tadddaaaa....
"Belum dicolokin, Bu...", he said, grinning.

Gubrakkkkkkkkk!!

ANGEL

2004-05-31T10:04:00.000+07:00

Someone (not special, not really know him)
sent me sms last night:

I have a little angel
flying around with a hammer,
each person he hits gets a bit of my love.
I send him to you tonight.
I hope he beats you up like crazy.
Good night.

I replied:

Hit by a hammer?
Ouucchhh!!

In the morning, he wrote:
The angel I sent to you last night, came back to me this morning.
He watched you while you were sleeping.
He said you were cute.
I hit him and said,
“Stupid angel. You went to the wrong house!”

Sial!! *blurrrggghhh*

I replied:

Ow, that was your angel?
I thought I was dreaming, and he was my prince charming.
And he said I was cute???
He’s so sweet..
and SOOOO right!

Trilogy: Gaptek 1

2004-05-28T12:31:00.000+07:00

Aku pikir anak sekarang tu dah pada internet savvy.
Lha mereka kan dah dikelilingi teknologi computerized.
Paling ngga, pernah lha yaa browsing internet?
Paling ngga, punya kali ya email address?
Taunya?
BC... (ga usah gue ulang dong, kepanjangannya. Liat di posting sebelumnya!)

Ternyata Tahap Inovasi di mereka (urutannya kalo ga salah: Innovator, Early Majority, Majority, Laggards) kebanyakan masih di level laggard!
Ya, ternyata Indonesia yang majemuk ini ga bisa dirata-rata tingkat inovasi penduduknya ya? Biar kata mahasiswa, yang katanya kaum intelektual, ternyata masih banyak yg blm terekspos internet. Gw coba mafhum (duile bahasanya!), mahasiswa kan juga dari latar belakang ekonomi dan sosial yang beragam? Betul?

Jadi waktu itu gw ngasi tugas buat mahasiswa gw (FYI, gw nyambi ngajar sminggu skali). Mereka bikin tugas kelompok ttg perkembangan computer dan internet di Indonesia. Paper kecil-kecilan, cuma empat halaman. Kayaknya biasa aja kaan?
Tapi usai pelajaran, bbrp orang nemuin gw untuk nanya2. Pikir gw, mereka nyari perhatian gue aja... *mesem-mesem seneng*

Mhs: Bu, nyari bahannya di mana?
Gw : ya ampun, bisa dari Koran, majalah, perpustakaan. Apa aja. Kamu kan dah gede… (gw jawab ringan, abis gw pikir mrk cuma sok akrab ama dosen. hehe… ge er ya gue!)
Mhs: ya ibu… majalahnya apa, judulnya apa Bu?
Gw : duh kamu, yang namanya nyari ya di situ seninya. Kumpulin dari beberapa majalah, Koran, buku. Atau coba aja di internet.
Mhs : (empty look) internetnya dmn?
Gw : (confuse look) ya… cari aja di search engine, google gitu.
Mhs : apa bu? Bentar saya tulis. Gugel?

Obviously, he had no idea what I’m saying.
And obviously, they’re not just trying to get my attention. Silly me.

Gw : G..o..o..g..l..e
(trus untuk jaga-jaga, gw tambahin)
www.google.com
Mhs :ooo… makasi bu.

The following week:

Mhs : Bu, saya blom bisa kumpulin tugas. Saya ga ketemu bahannya.
Gw : masa si? Saya ambil dari situ kok.
Mhs : saya kan ke gogel itu, trus ga ada apa-apanya… (innocent look)
Gw : (mencoba mencerna. Mulai dapet pencerahan)
Kamu ga ketik key word-nya? Computer di Indonesia. Atau Internet di Indonesia gitu.
Mhs : ketik dimana bu?

GubRaKKkkk!!!

PR (baca: pi ar) sukarela

2004-05-25T15:32:00.000+07:00

Belum hilang benar kata-kata sakti Dian Sastro dlm salah satu iklannya “Ya siiih…”, udah makin banyak kosa kata dari iklan yang dijadikan bahasa gaul shari2.

Aku inget waktu minggu lalu ngajar. Aku buat semacam pop quiz gitu deeeh. Waktu aku minta salah seorang untuk menjelaskan tentang teknologi “wireless” (aku udah tulis di slide keunggulan dan kelemahannya), dan kebetulan dia bisa jawab dengan lumayan lancar. Iseng-iseng aku bilang, “Oke, sampai ketemu di Jakarta.” Spontan seluruh kelas ketawa. Mereka langsung ngenalin cuplikan kata-kata yang sering dikatakan juri “Indonesian Idol” yang ratingnya lagi lumayan naik di Indonesia. Dan ternyata, kata-kata yang aku ‘jiplak’ itu menjadi pemicu buat mereka untuk ‘meneruskan’ lawakan. Ketika mahasiswa berikutnya aku tes, dan jawabannya ga begitu memuaskan, salah satu temannya ada yang nyeletuk “eS Te De. Standard” seperti yang sering dicetuskan Muthia Kasim, salah satu juri Indonesian Idol. Waktu aku senyum-senyum, trus ngomong, “Gimana menurut yang lain?”. Salah satu siswa perempuan dengan manis menjawab, “Terserah Indra deeeh”, masih menjiplak juri Indonesian Idol, Titi DJ.

Moral of the story?
Dari segi marketing, pastinya si copy writer dah berhasil membuat kata-kata yang tertanam di benak konsumen. Cuma… kayaknya kita ga sadar bahwa kita udah ‘kemakan’ oleh para marketer yang telah menggempur kita dengan iklan-iklan/strategi marketing yang gencar itu. Kalo dari tahap pengambilan keputusan konsumen (yang AIDA itu, Awareness, Interest, Desire, Action) berarti si produk paling ngga udah mencapai ‘awareness’ bagi kita. Kata-kata itu, idealnya juga akan terasosiasi dengan produk yang menempel. Itu idealnya. Tapi nyatanya, banyak kok yang ga inget kata-kata “Tommy ga gitu deehh..” yang sering dijadikan olok-olok pada orang yang lagi asik cerita, berasal dari iklan apa. Oke, mungkin ada yang inget itu iklan shampoo. Coba tanya 10 orang, brp yang bisa nyebutin merk shampoo tersebut?

Ya… kita sering aja secara sadar men’quot’ iklan untuk bahasa gaul. Dan bagi yang kebetulan ga nyambung, bisa langsung di cap “kuper”. Padahal kan BC (belum cencuu), toh ‘quots’ tersebut sering cuma dijadiin bahan olok-olok.

Jadi… dengan sering men’quot’ tagline ato cuplikan-cuplikan iklan, brarti kan kita dah jadi pi ar nya produk itu. sukarela lagi, kerja sosial hehe...

Mini Skirt

2004-05-21T15:27:00.000+07:00

I met this guy on wednesday night. He's the one that I mentioned earlier who treated me like his 'little sister'(*twink twink*). So we planned to meet at Pasaraya. He insisted to meet at Milenia Cafe Internet, which I wasn't sure the location. I could ask, of course. But I have this funny feeling about direction... I tend to get lost...
What can I say, I'm a direction blank champ!
Anyway, I strongly urged him to meet in food court. I was so hungry anyway. He was persistent in Milenia (i knew it at once, he wasn't in good mood). So I said, "Well, if you can't come to Food COurt, that's fine. I just eat then leave". *wakkaakkkaakk* That would surely worked! He thought I was angry, so he came runnin'. I wasn't angry actually, I was just HUNGRY!
Big difference! When you're hungry, what's the point of long uncertain search when food is right before your very eyes!
Long uncertain search for him??? Gimme a break! (of course I didn't say that to him. I simply (and sweetly) said, "Aku laper banget. Aku bisa keburu pingsan kalo harus jalan-jalan lagi. Apalagi aku harus nyari-nyari dulu, pasti aku nyasar. Tega banget siiy, ntar kalo pingsan situ mau tanggung?" hihihi...)

Anyway, we had long discussion. Not really a discussion actually. It was more like uhhmmm... I listened to him, his dissapointment at work, at people, at institution etc etc...
I gave comments, sure, but he countered my comments. So, as a clear-minded person, I was mostly quiet. He was furious, anyway. Let him enjoy his furiousness, arguing wil not be so wise!
Frankly, I found many of his saying, didn't make sense. That made our discussion quite dry. Long and dry... Long and dry and long... and loooooongg... (got my point?)
*bored*

I remember the saying:
Good discussion is like a mini skirt.
Short enough to pertain interest.
Long enough to cover the subject.
That was definitely not a mini skirt!!!

SYMPTOMS

2004-05-19T15:10:00.000+07:00

The older you are, the more you know your body!
I just realized a symptom that I believe not any general practitioner could figure out:
EVERYTIME I become so RELIGIOUS,
I get my period. *sigh*

amazing crowd

2004-05-13T17:21:00.000+07:00

I had this meeting yesterday. A big client. I was to give presentation on our market analysis. such a short notice my boss told me. Had i known earlier that I was to give presentation, I would prepare myself better. Boss's command, what can I say?
At least in the morning I got a chance to go to beauty salon, had my hair set. That's all that matters, right? hehe...
I mean, if you feel comfortable and confidence, then goes one problem.
I believe in first impression, by the way...
Still, I have thousand butterflies on my stomach...

But you know whaatttt?
the crowd are all important people! Creme de la Creme!
But, honestly, they don't look like one. I mean, they were so casual, but maaaan, their brain! Talk about one strip below Bill Gates!

They are obviously very rich, very smart indeed, humble (that's the interesting part), appreciative (does this word exist on dictionary?), and don't underestimate people. SOOowwww casual, as if we are not on the important meeting. Maan, that was about couple million dollars project!

Of course my presentation wasn't very successful, but you can't say it failed either. But I don't worry about that anymore.
I am amazed with the crowd. So amazed that I forgive my not-so-bright performance. I just feel thankful that I met those guys!

Dream

2004-05-13T17:09:00.000+07:00

weird dream I had last night.
on blurr.. I saw my late father and myself. I heard myself talking to my father, that I am really sorry that I can't get married this year. Maybe next year, I said.
Is this a clue?
What does it mean, then?

pameran lukisan

2004-05-06T15:40:00.000+07:00

If I were a painter...
I would paint my reverie.
If that's the only way for you to be with me.
we would be together...
just like we used to be.
underneath the swirling sky for all to see.(norah jones "The Painter")

hari ini ada undangan ke pembukaan pameran lukisan.
males siiy mau dateng, abis alirannya abstrak gitu deeeeh.
gw dah coba 'menikmati' tapi kok ga bisa yaa?? belakangan si gw sering ke pameran lukisan. coba meningkatkan tingkat peradaban gw.
menurut gw seniman itu tingkat peradabannya tinggi skalee, makanya dia bisa membuat orang menikmati keindahan.
tapi lukisan abstrak?
sutralah ga usah belagak sok nyeni, emang gw ga ngerti.

kesimpulannya gue pergi ga ni ke pameran lukisan itu?

blessing or curse?

2004-05-06T15:33:00.000+07:00

Aku pikir aku tau orang itu.
Ternyata aku ga tau.
Apa dia yang berubah??
uhmmm… mungkin juga.
Atau memang aku yang slama ini salah?
salah kira. salah duga. seperti biasa…

aku ga tau ini blessing atau curse, having the willingness to see the good side of someone. My will is sooow strong that I actually assume things, fantasizing. . .
I turned out SOOooow wrong.
It’s just SOoooow me.

Dia begitu santun.
Paling tidak dia yang kukenal dulu.

2004-04-29T18:03:00.000+07:00

NEWTON RULE

I overestimate my friendship with several persons. I thought we have strong foundation that won’t make us fall apart over small matters.
Looking back, I had 2 close friends. Friends that support each other. Friends that forgive and understand. I put up with their ego, habit and attitude. I forgave them when they broke their promise, late in rendezvous, cancel our plan… like friends do.
But once I turned them down, over a misunderstanding situation, I became the enemy of the humankind! As if I caused the fatal mistakes. And it wasn’t even my mistakes! At least not completely.
They became uhhmmm… not friendly anymore.
Geezzz, I thought we’re friends!
Sarah said, I sacrificed a lot in friendship. I gave tolerance so much that I actually couldn’t stand it inside. And they became used to my tolerance attitude that they don’t bother to take care of my feeling. Sarah also said that I expect too much from the friendship, from the sacrifice I made. That made me a bit uhhmmmm… unsincere? I hope I spell it correctly.
Well, what’s wrong with expectation. You do something, you hope something in return. That’s normal. That’s logical. That’s even scientific. You know… like Newton Rule : F action = F reaction.

2004-04-29T18:00:00.000+07:00

27/04/04
I decided to drop by at CL to buy some snacks. Then I saw him.
He must have been having a date with someone, I can tell.
It shouldn’t bother me actually, I don’t even like him.
I mean, I am always nice to him but he’s not the kind of person I‘d like to spend the rest of my life with. He’s too plain, nerdy yet boastful (Man!).
But I thought he liked me. Owww..man, just yesterday he’s asking me out to attend his relatives wedding. I mean, it’s quite a big deal rite? It is an indication that a man wants you to meet his family.
Then I saw him having a date with someone.
It’s a first date, I can tell.
Why’s that bothering me? He’s free. I’m free. I met guys and had blind dates myself.
The problem is… I saw him. I feel betrayed. I thought he was DEVOTED to me. So this is how it feels to lose a fan. Or… even worse, this is how it feels when you thought you got a fan, but you didn’t.
Owww, man! That’s awful.

2004-04-26T14:23:00.000+07:00

Saturday Blues
Thought that we could spend our boyfriend-less saturday night in a healthy way, me, sarah and nelly. Jogging, swimming... you know.. got shaped up.
We went to Senayan jogging track then to Sahid Hotel swimming pool. We exercised! Uhm..well, at least that would certainly what happened if it wasn't raining (we couldn't jog under the rain, rite?) and the free membership voucher was valid!
Sooo, we went to Plaza Indonesia. Got dinner. Heart-to-heart talk (you know.. girl stuff), cosmetics shopping, browse EX, walked to Sarinah, enter McD, then went home. Basically, just killing the time. And It killed my feet too...

2004-04-23T15:41:00.000+07:00

I sore all over! Everytime I move my body, it goes "kretekkk kretekkk". *sigh*
That was a remarkable night, unforgettable Kartini's day.
I left the office at 19.00 after a waste wait for the rain to stop.
I went to my friend's house behind RS Tarakan. I thought I could use some shelter from the rain before going home. But until 21.30 it hadn't stopped. Taxi couldn't be found. So I called my brother to pick me up.

I heard flood has visited some areas : Grogol, Tj Duren, Kebon Jeruk, ROxi etc. My brother must have been struggled to find a way to my place. So I walked.

I mean it when I said 'walked' a.k.a by foot. I walked down da street from at 22.30 from Petojo to Tomang. I didn't take off my 5cm- heeled shoes. They were soaked! Banjir, maaan! Jakarta on Kartini's day was soaked! It was raining cats and dogs. The storm caused trees and tiang listrik scattered all over the street.
The street was like a giant parking lot. No use of waiting public transport. No use of waiting my brother to pick me up. He must be stucked somewhere.
So... walked. With my five-centimeters-heeled shoes. Did I mention that?
ughhhhhh... I sore all over. Did I mention that?

2004-04-23T15:30:00.000+07:00

akhirnya aku bisa juga buat 'preliminary project diary online' ini.
masa aku tanya ke beberapa anak IT ga ada yang tauuu...
gimana siy? katanya IT.
untung ada si IdealMoron yang (reluctantly) ngasi tau aku caranya.
thanks, pal!